ikeepitreal

(Breathes, launches into next rant)... You know what else I have a problem with? The state of California and their stupid chain businesses. It is bad enough that we have to deal with the export of soulless suburban moneymakers like Coldstone Creamery, PF Changs, and eXtreme Pizza, but what really gets my goat is all the businesses that brand themselves as Californian.

Lets see, off the top of my head there is California Pizza Kitchen, LA Fitness, LA Gear, California Closets, and the strange re-branding of Mervyns to Mervyns California. The confusing thing about it all is that they must think that it actually does them good to be associated with CA. Like, oh my God! Like, its so cool to be Californian. Guess what -- like, people of California -- ya'll are ok, but I'm not thinking all this braggadociousness is doing you any good.

Do the good people of California not get that the state is hated by all 49 other states (and the District of Columbia)? Do they not understand that calling yourselves "California Closets" makes customers like yours truly think of some gawd awful Burbank mini-mansion with a walk in closet full of Manolo Blahniks and terrible halter tops? If I buy my next 250 thread count sheet set at Mervyns California, will I sleep as well as all the passed out idiots on the MTV reality shows? If I eat at CPK will that make me creative enough to write a inane auto-biographical prime time pilot about writing/directing/starting in a TV show?

Let's extend this idea elsewhere. Vermont and Jerry's. Amazon of Washington. Old Chicago. See! Ridiculous. Let it go.

Posted by Mike at 07:27 PM | Permalink | Comments (11)

You can probably guess by the title and category of this post where I'll begin. Greenlake park goers do not keep it real. Also if you are a frequent reader, you know what is coming next. A quick concession. I had a *great* time at Greenlake this morning. It is a Seattle institution, and the people we saw there were overwhelmingly nice and cool. I always have a fun time there.

But there is one thing that drives me crazy. We'll start with a little context for those who don't live in Seattle. Greenlake is a small body of water in the Northern part of the city with a great running/walking/rollerblading trail around it. There are paddle boats, lots of people playing volleyball, and great stuff for the kinds (we especially liked the wading pool this morning). Your basic nice urban park. The trail, however, has a major problem:

Imagine a 2.8 mile trail around a lake with a ~8 foot paved trail around it. Running/wheel traffic is only allowed to travel counter-clockwise, and walking/stroller traffic is in the other lane, but can travel either direction. There are signs at eye level and on the trail that propose a reasonable traffic flow for this. They look something like this (going counter-clockwise):

WALK | WHEELS (SLOW)
^ | | ^ ^
| V | | |

and this: (clockwise)

WALK | WHEELS (SLOW)
| ^ | XXXX
V | |

Oh man, that ASCII art is bad, but I think you get the point.

Going counterclockwise, this is counter-intuitive (pun intended). It is hard to walk in the left portion of the left lane. But it makes sense if you figure that you can see the wheel traffic coming before it mows you over. Problem is, NO ONE FOLLOWS THE RULES. AT ALL. I don't mean that there is a small percentage of people walking in the wrong side of the walking area, there is fewer people following the rules than you would expect given a random distribution of traffic. The trail would be more usable if it was a free-for-all. I don't get it. Every time we go, I try at first to stick to the left side of the left lane and let people go around, but after running into people (literally) I give it up and join the chaos. And I do mean chaos. On a given weekend morning, there is as much traffic as your average Monday at 8:00 AM urban sidewalk. Especially with the stroller, you have to constantly be on your game. Dodging left, dodging right, running off the trail on the left. You name it -- I had to do it today.

So I ask you this. Why would people disregard the rules like this? I'm not one of those drive-the-speed-limit-always-come-to-a-complete-stop-types, but I understand that a civilized society can't function without some reasonable rules. I'm just a cog in the engine of our fair city and I get that we'll all be better off if I take less than 15 items into the supermarket express lane. Utter disregard for the rules at Greenlake really bugs me.

So I leave you with this. Park goers of Seattle -- please keep it real. Begin obeying the signs. We'll all enjoy our trail more. Thank you. That is all.

Posted by Mike at 12:59 PM | Permalink | Comments (25)

This is a question that has been percolating for a while and is just starting to really get to me. First, let me start the stage:

- Memories of childhood: (singing) "Sometimes you feel like a nut/Sometimes you don't/Almond Joy's got nuts/Mounds don't". Um, am I remembering incorrectly or does that jingle switch pluralization? is "Almond Joy" the plural of "Almond Joy"? Or is it "Almond Joys"? Maybe "Almonds Joy"?

- I once semi-famously (among 3 people at least) referred to AJ as an "old man candy bar". Are you with me folks? When was the last time you saw a kid noshing on an AJ?

- Before Milky Way Dark (now, strangely, Midnight) came on the scene, there was a surprising dearth of dark chocolate candy bars. As a dark chocolate fan, I always wondered why. Good to see that that seems to be changing. Er, just in time for my 'old man' metabolism to keep me from eating them anyway.

Which brings me to my point. Sometime in the last year or two, Mounds was replaced with Dark Chocolate Mounds. But Almond Joy held steady with the milken variety. I don't particularly care, cause I prefer Mounds anyway, but I'm curious -- what lead them down this fractured path? Extensive market research that people (perhaps oldies) who eat almond candy bars prefer milk chocolate? An excess of dark chocolate ingredients at the Peter Paul company (but not enough to make a wholesale switch)? Some new executive just making a personal call that the nut-less version pairs better with dark chocolate? An experiment with their lesser selling bar to see if they can boost sales in a tough and slogging candy bar market?

I'll be keeping an eye out to see what happens next.

Posted by Mike at 08:56 PM | Permalink | Comments (16)

My homage to the greatest film of our generation, opening tonight:

Posted by Mike at 07:35 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Sam loves trucks. And tractors. And construction equipment. And rocks.

He doesn't particularly like stuffed animals. Or dolls. Or toy houses. Or clothes.

Sam likes Bob the Builder.

He could do without JoJo's Circus.

Sam loves Sportscenter

He cries whenever Gray's Anatomy comes on.

Ok, I made that last one up.

Funny thing is, I don't remember pushing him in any of these directions. We kept him away from TV for the most part until *very* recently. Yes, when he first got excited about fire trucks, we weren't shy about giving them to him, but if anything, I think we've gone out of our way to give him dolls and not overload him with "boy toys".

I also see this manifesting the other way. His cousin Annie is quite the opposite. This morning, the garbage truck came while Sam was having breakfast. Just the sound of it around the corner made him perk up and point to the window so we would open up the shades. Annie sat still, unfazed. Every Wednesday morning we show her the garbage truck, but she has no interest.

If you put a doll in front of Annie, she will cover it with a blanket, pretend to change its diaper, and try to take care of it. Sam will accidentally stomp on its head on the way to grab his favorite monster truck or farmer lego man.

Maybe the whole Mars/Venus thing was a little over the top, but chalking all our differences up to nurture is absurd too. Looks like we won't have mommy's little quilter after all.

Posted by Mike at 09:05 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Editor's note: This post was started on August 6th.

Ahh, the Seattle Mariners. I went into this year without a lot of hope (witness -- no optimistic 2006 predictions like the crazy 2005 ones). But... this team is unlike any other I have been a fan of. They have managed to get me excited and crush me not once, or twice, but seven times. Today I gave up on them for good. Or at least, I hope so.

A few weeks ago, I finally picked up a copy of "Fever Pitch" by Nick Hornby *. Great book, funny, and man do I identify. Truthfully, I don't understand about 90% of the references in the book because it is about the English Premier League, but my love for baseball and *Your Seattle Mariners* is, while not on the same scale, at least comparable to Hornby's love for Arsenal. So in Fever Pitch fashion, (without the amazing prose and detailed reflection on life) I will provide a chronological view on my 2006 M's season:

April 3rd, 2006 -- SEA vs. LAA.
Mood: Interested, but not bought in.
Record: 0-1
My boys lose a close one 5-4 to the Angels. Incidentely, "The Los Angeles Angels" translates roughly to "The The Angels Angels", right? I'm pretty sure I stole that joke from someone. Anyhoo, the opening defeat reinforces my belief that this is probably not a team worth pouring my heart into.

April 6th, 2006 -- SEA vs. OAK
Mood: Starting to believe.
Record: 3-1
A win against the A's to open up the second series of the year. Tied for 1st place. Maybe this season will turn out ok after all. (In retrospect, the only win against el Elephantos in 14 tries).

April 12th, 2006 -- SEA vs. CLE
Mood: Given up (1).
Record: 3-5
Losers of 4 straight, (including 3 straight against Oakland) drive me off the bandwagon. It'll take a serious run to get me interested again. Same old M's of the last few years.

May 1st, 2006 -- SEA vs. MIN
Mood: Eh?
Record: 12-16
After winning their last two series, and taking the first game from the super-hot Twinkies, I am keeping one eye on these guys. Lopez, Johjima, and Betancourt are pleasant suprises.

May 5th, 2006 -- SEA vs. CLE
Mood: Given Up (2)
Record: 12-19
Check that. The M's lose their 4th straight, 9-4. Awful streaky. And I am officially fickle.

May 14, 2006 -- SEA vs. LAA
Mood: Hmm, they might hover around the race.
Record: 17-22
They beat the Angels to take their second series in a row. 5 games below .500 and the same out of 1st place. Thanks to a crummy division, this season might become interesting.

May 18th, 2006 -- SEA vs. OAK
Mood: Throwing stuff; Given up (3)
Record: 17-25
A three game sweep at the hands of the A's. I fall asleep, only to dream of Billy Beane getting hit by a car and losing his job, then miraculously recovering to GM the Mariners. Dream of the year.

May 24th, 2006 -- SEA vs. BAL
Mood: Forgotten about the A's.
Record: 22-26
4 out of 5! Hovering in the division race. Putz is a dominant closer. Who knew?

May 30th, 2006 -- SEA vs. TEX
Mood: Given up (4)
Record: 22-32
Losers of 6 in a row, my boyz drop 10 games below .500. I stop checking scores and turning the radio on in the car (TV was forsaken long ago). I would rather listen to Sam's Veggie Tales CD.

June 11th, 2006 -- SEA vs. LAA
Mood: Radio on.
Record: 32-34
The M's sweep the Angels to win 9 of their last 11. Sniffing the break-even mark, they are still in the race and sports radio talking heads think they might trade for a bat at the deadline. I'm listening. Felix is starting to pitch well, and the division-leading A's are looming.

June 15th, 2006 -- SEA vs. OAK
Mood: *&@^#$&. Given up (5)
Record: 32-37
OOOOHHHH THE AAAAAA'S. I know this sounds really lame as a fan, but I gave up again after another sweep to Oakland. My fragile emotional state can't stand to buy in again only to stare at another Eric Chavez double down the line. I'm done.

July 1st, 2006 -- SEA vs. COL
Mood: WooHoo!
Record: 42-40
Seattle comes from behind to beat the Rockies 8-7 to cap off a nice 11-3 run. They are over .500 and are starting to look like a real threat. Beltre is hitting for the first time in Seattle. In other news, I'm a sucker.

July 8th, 2006 -- SEA vs. DET
Mood: Given up (6)
Record: 42-46
My favorite streaksters have lost 6 in a row including this 2-1 heartbreaker against the Tigers. I'm done. No really, I'm done.

August 2nd, 2006 -- SEA vs. BAL
Mood: Scoreboard watching
Record: 53-54
After losing a few coming out of the All-Star Break, the M's take series at home against TOR and BOS, then on the road against CLE and Baltimore to climb within a few of the A's. They have a better run differential than Oakland, and a chance to make up some ground with a three-game set against the division leaders coming up next. No idea why I was excited about this series at the time.

August 6th, 2006 -- SEA vs. OAK
Mood: Given Up (7)
Record: 53-56
Needing to take 2 out of 3 to get within striking distance, the Mariners get swept *again* by Zito and company. 11 in a row. So frustrating, especially considering Zito isn't any good any more and he still managed to win the opener despite giving up 7 hits and 3 walks. Just to rub it in, the M's will probably sign him to a $20 million per deal this winter. (Cut to Beane smoking a cigar and cackling with evil schadenfreude).

August 9th, 2006 -- SEA vs. TAM
Mood: Well, at least they did that...
Record: 56-57
On the postgame radio show after the previous series, some home broadcaster says "well, they're not out of it yet -- a sweep against Tampa and Texas does some damage against Oakland, and (trailing off)...". The Mariners sweep Tampa. I read the sports page, look at the standings, and think -- "if only they could take 2 of 3 against Texas, and sweep Oakland". Looking back, I realize I sound like an addict trying to convince everyone I don't have a problem.

August 15th, 2006 -- SEA vs. OAK
Mood: Resigned to defeat. Given up (8).
Record: 56-62+
Not paying attention much, I begin typing this post tonight (started during the *last* A's series above). For background noise, I switch the TV on to find the M's behind 2-0 to the A's. Within 10 minutes it is 9-0. I've been paying attention for the last week to notice the 5 game losing streak. 2 more against the A's makes it 13 in a row. As everyone is so fond of saying -- "If they had only won half of those"... Also noteworthy: I hate elephants and the color green.

How about next year.

* If you saw the Jimmy Fallon movie and think you have any idea what this book is about, think again. There is almost nothing in common with the book. Read it. Read it now.

Posted by Mike at 12:05 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)