ikeepitreal

Obligatory note about how chain letters suck, but what can I say -- once you get tagged you must oblige . Thanks for the tag from Mark

20 Years Ago:

1. I was entering the 6th grade, and got my first taste of playing jazz trumpet.
2. This year baseball cards became my obsession. I spent every dollar of paper route income collecting Ruben Sierra and Will Clark cards (foreshadowing other poor investment choices in the future).
3. I was in my last year of activity in the Royal Rangers (aka the Pentecostal Boy Scouts). I placed 3rd in WA state pinewood derby (show) with my scale replica of a Porsche 911.
4. I played my first and only year of organized football, playing against mostly 4th graders because I weighed 20 pounds less than everyone in my class.

10 Years Ago:

1. I was entering my Senior year at Willamette University, cranking hard on a double major of Computer Science and Music.
2. I was celebrating my one year 'anniversary' -- dating this radical Junior named Becky Palmer.
3. I lived in a house with 6 other guys -- nicknamed 'the Rock'. It flooded.
4. I fronted a jazz combo called Nature Boy. We rocked a badass 5/4 cover of Norwegian Wood.

5 Years Ago:

1. Married and recently moved back to the Pacific NW, Becky (Foster) and I bought our first house in Issaquah, WA.
2. I was in my 4th year working for BEA Systems, transitioning into a Product Management role.
3. I did the most grueling endurance activity of my life, mountain biking the Mackenzie River Trail with my friends Nels, Tom, and Andy.
4. The only musical activity I was continuing with was playing trumpet in the Sammamish Symphony.

3 Years Ago:

1. We had a 6 month old boy -- Sam!
2. I had taken a planned layoff/severance from BEA and was enjoying 4 months off.
3. I attended my 10 year high school reunion.
4. Competed in the Ski to Sea race in Bellingham with a bunch of friends and family.

1 Year Ago:

1. Becky was with child. The in utero version of Kate.
2. I was enjoying my 2nd year at Expedia.
3. We took our first kidless trips -- to NY and Vegas for awesome wedding and 30th birthday party, respectively.
4. I sold my long time wagon -- the soccermom.

So Far This Year:

1. Our second kiddo -- Kate -- was born!
2. Had a great summer, with lots of close Northwest getaways.
3. Saw Boise State crush the Ducks in Eugene.
4. Sam went to preschool for the first time.

Yesterday:

1. I went to work.
2. I authored my 264th PowerPoint deck of 2008.
3. We watched the first Presidental debate.
4. I paid for a new furnace and water heater. Not cheap.

Today:

1. Sam and I woke up early to go salmon fishing in the Puget Sound on my friend Paul's boat.
2. I mowed the lawn.
3. I gained even more weight by eating a cheese danish for breakfast.
4. Kate started getting her first tooth -- there's a hole!

In the Next Year I’ll:

1. Go to my 10 year college reunion.
2. Start getting some sleep again.
3. Get a vasectomy right before March Madness.
4. Move to a bigger house.

I tag Tom, Aaron, and Melissa please post comments here with your entries when you complete your task.

Posted by Mike at 02:21 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Dear friends,

I apologize for the misleading title, but I had to get your attention.

I share this with you with the best of intentions. Your normally great google reader shared items feeds have become watered down recently by a bevy of auto posts. I can appreciate the occasional gallery of a carbon fiber skinned car or fascinating stuff like SUV plants being closed down in middle America, but at a certain point it's too much of a good thing.

I've seen more concept rumors and galleries of 2009 models in the past month than I can shake a stick at (and I shake a mighty fast stick). Please dial back the 'sharing'.

If you don't relent, I will be forced to double my Obama related Wonkette and Huff Post share rate.

Thank you. That is all.

Posted by Mike at 07:36 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Has anyone noticed that "internet meme" is quickly becoming the new internet meme? Among name-checkers, gossipers, and cross-posters alike, eveyone is dialing down their affection for the latest digital fad by calling it an "internet meme".

For example, a post by a fully l33t member of the blogosphere might say:

Since the prank came out 2 weeks ago, we've all been Rickrolled, but check out the latest in internet memes [insert link to hipster site who's author has already sold out to a book deal]

META.

Posted by Mike at 09:39 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Covers of the two books I'm reading:

Eerily similar, right? And both are great books which get through to me even in my sleep deprived stage.

But looking at them both on my bedstand got me thinking... Barry is looking for a running mate, why not David Allen? What does a visionary, big thinking, agent of change need more than a ruthlessly productive, tactical, organized productivity czar? Wouldn't this take all the air out of the 'no-specific-plans' and 'impractical idealism' criticism constantly hurled at him?

Imagined dialog:

"The people think I'm hopecasting (sigh). What's in my folder for 'never', David? Get off the Nicorettes? Exactly. At least nobody can say I'm taking on everything."

And what would Obama's workflow notes look like:

"(Context telephone) Next step in GOAL -- fix health care, restore America to world leadership, create unity between red/blue states, re-strengthen New Deal policies, exit Iraq -- call 10 superdelegates to beg for their votes". YES WE CAN.

Posted by Mike at 11:25 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I just got back from a conference in Las Vegas yesterday and couldn't believe the number of Brits coming into town for the Mayweather-Hatton fight. The other big things going on down there are the Spice Girls tour and National Finals Rodeo.

Redneck rodeo fans and Manchesterian * boxing fans? I'm guessing the MGM ring might not be the only place to see a good fight this weekend.

Even if they can't all get along, I hope we can all agree that Baby Spice is our favorite.

* Yeah I looked that up.

Posted by Mike at 08:51 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Charleston Chew.

Posted by Mike at 09:27 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Well hello there!

Since I haven't written anything here in quite some time, I popped on to the ol Keep It Real Industries site this morning to find 10,909 comments. Which means I had to clean up 10,674 comment spams (comments spam?). Fun times. On the bright side, I found quite a few users I didn't know I had. Here's a smattering:

buy vicodin
Zoosir
Sten4492
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beyonce
baby nascar jacket
WEIGHT LOSS HOODIA
skateboard
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And *plenty* that can't be printed here on accounta my protestant sensibilities.

Also, I'm pretty excited about the beyonce thing. I think she digs guys who live in Grazing Meadow Lark subdivision.

Posted by Mike at 06:40 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)

George Foreman grill : Panini Press ::
Horseradish : Wasabi

Posted by Mike at 03:38 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Does anyone else remember in the late 80's when rappers would say "Lisa in full effect", "Tamiqua in full effect", etc? I think it was most likely spearheaded by some group that was part of the East Coast Family. When exactly did that die? That's a shame. I'm bringing that back. Here are some ways I'm going to work it in at work and at home.

"Dude, that spec review was SO good. You were in full effect"

"Hey honey, relax and take a bath while I put the kid down. Bathing in full effect".

"That was some kickin chili. Mikey in full effect"

Posted by Mike at 01:20 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Ahh, nothing like the formulaic rant/rave format to get me out of my posting slump. For today's rave, the subject is shaving in the shower. I LOVE IT. I just started trying it a month ago, and my life will never be the same. Ok, my life is exactly the same, but now with a smooth, square-jawed attitude and a silky morning-fresh texture.

A couple of weeks ago, Mrs. Ikeepitreal and I rolled down to Bed Bath and Beyond to pick up a new shower curtain, and I wandered over to the bathtub accessories section. I've always been a little fascinated by all the shower devices -- waterproof radios, shampoo dispensers, fancy shower heads, etc. So I killed some time while she found us the latest in quilted plaid designs for our shower facade. Then a shiny glimmer caught my eye. Fog proof mirrors. Yesss. Let me stop here and mention a few cool things about fog proof mirrors:

1) I can primp all I want in the shower. Nobody is there to judge me.
2) Fog proof. How *do* they do it? I mean really -- we can create fog proof mirrors but can't cure the common cold? <seinfeld>What's up with that?</seinfeld>
3) Turns out with conditioner in my hair I look like Billy Idol.

Anyhoo, I've always wanted to try shaving in the shower, and I finally got the nerve (or the $8.50 for the mirror) to try. Long story short? Love it. No nicks, super quick shave, easy enough to not mind doing it every day. In fact, I have now shaved 11 days in a row. That's right, not only am I shaving every weekday, but I'm mixing in some weekends too. Anything that is good enough to get yours truly to shave on the weekend deserves big ups from this here website. Holla!

Posted by Mike at 07:57 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)

(Breathes, launches into next rant)... You know what else I have a problem with? The state of California and their stupid chain businesses. It is bad enough that we have to deal with the export of soulless suburban moneymakers like Coldstone Creamery, PF Changs, and eXtreme Pizza, but what really gets my goat is all the businesses that brand themselves as Californian.

Lets see, off the top of my head there is California Pizza Kitchen, LA Fitness, LA Gear, California Closets, and the strange re-branding of Mervyns to Mervyns California. The confusing thing about it all is that they must think that it actually does them good to be associated with CA. Like, oh my God! Like, its so cool to be Californian. Guess what -- like, people of California -- ya'll are ok, but I'm not thinking all this braggadociousness is doing you any good.

Do the good people of California not get that the state is hated by all 49 other states (and the District of Columbia)? Do they not understand that calling yourselves "California Closets" makes customers like yours truly think of some gawd awful Burbank mini-mansion with a walk in closet full of Manolo Blahniks and terrible halter tops? If I buy my next 250 thread count sheet set at Mervyns California, will I sleep as well as all the passed out idiots on the MTV reality shows? If I eat at CPK will that make me creative enough to write a inane auto-biographical prime time pilot about writing/directing/starting in a TV show?

Let's extend this idea elsewhere. Vermont and Jerry's. Amazon of Washington. Old Chicago. See! Ridiculous. Let it go.

Posted by Mike at 07:27 PM | Permalink | Comments (11)

This is a question that has been percolating for a while and is just starting to really get to me. First, let me start the stage:

- Memories of childhood: (singing) "Sometimes you feel like a nut/Sometimes you don't/Almond Joy's got nuts/Mounds don't". Um, am I remembering incorrectly or does that jingle switch pluralization? is "Almond Joy" the plural of "Almond Joy"? Or is it "Almond Joys"? Maybe "Almonds Joy"?

- I once semi-famously (among 3 people at least) referred to AJ as an "old man candy bar". Are you with me folks? When was the last time you saw a kid noshing on an AJ?

- Before Milky Way Dark (now, strangely, Midnight) came on the scene, there was a surprising dearth of dark chocolate candy bars. As a dark chocolate fan, I always wondered why. Good to see that that seems to be changing. Er, just in time for my 'old man' metabolism to keep me from eating them anyway.

Which brings me to my point. Sometime in the last year or two, Mounds was replaced with Dark Chocolate Mounds. But Almond Joy held steady with the milken variety. I don't particularly care, cause I prefer Mounds anyway, but I'm curious -- what lead them down this fractured path? Extensive market research that people (perhaps oldies) who eat almond candy bars prefer milk chocolate? An excess of dark chocolate ingredients at the Peter Paul company (but not enough to make a wholesale switch)? Some new executive just making a personal call that the nut-less version pairs better with dark chocolate? An experiment with their lesser selling bar to see if they can boost sales in a tough and slogging candy bar market?

I'll be keeping an eye out to see what happens next.

Posted by Mike at 08:56 PM | Permalink | Comments (16)

Since I am your authority for cutting edge trends and all...

I've noticed lately that pineapple upside-down cake is making a major comeback. I don't know if it is a retro/ironic my-mom-used-to-make-these-back-when-we-had-avacado-colored-appliances-comeback, or that someone just realized HOW AMAZING IT TASTES, but I couldn't be more excited about the renaissance.

Trust me. Next time you are invited to some shi-shi summer BBQ, whip one up. Nothing complements grilled meat better than a neo-chic inverted pastry.

Posted by Mike at 08:58 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

This place is dead anyway.

It has been a while folks. So... whatsnoo? I went to Sasquatch with my Dad. Short summary:

- Even years removed from high school, it still takes a conscious effort to not feel embarrased by your parents around college-age kids. Strange. Even stranger to think that Sam will feel that way someday.

- Iron and Wine was great!

- Sufjan Stevens was terrible.

- After that, we got hailed on and they shut down the show. So we left, missing the late night return of The Shins, The Flaming Lips. and Ben harper. Lame.

Work is crazy. There are good talented people leaving right and left, but at the same time I'm in the middle of one of the most massive projects Expedia, Inc. has taken on in years. Strange dichotomy. But I love the work, so...

Sam is sleeping thru the night! Wait, this should probably be at the top, or at least in bold or something. SAM IS SLEEPING THRU THE NIGHT! It took him 14 months, but the last month or so, he has put it all together. Does anyone else find it strange that I'm talking about my son's sleeping habits the way a scout would describe a baseball prospect? ANYWAY, it's amazing what 8 hours a night will do to make you feel human again.

I heart the world cup. I'll try to write my full thoughts tomorrow. But to all of you I raise a smoothie and an artichoke, as the official foods of world cup viewing. (And I will only say this once every four years) Go Yankees!

Posted by Mike at 05:24 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

When I pull up to a 4-way stop at the same time as someone else, I just slam on the brakes and stop the car wherever I am. Sometimes it's 10+ feet behind the stop sign. That way I am stopped and I get to go first. It works every time.

Those jokers who roll all the way up to the line...sheesh.

Posted by Mike at 07:59 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

No post here, I just wanted to see if I could become the millionth person to headline a blog post or newspaper article that.

Posted by Mike at 03:29 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Dearest real-keepers,

One year ago today, I began my journey here by putting up a couple of posts -- marking the beginning of this here website. I imagine even fewer new blogs make it thru one year than new restaurants, so I've got that going for me, which is nice. Anniversaries mean reflection, and reflection means... you guessed it, blogging about blogging!

Some quick stats on the site:

- 125 entries
- 138 comments (most to tell me I spelled something wrong)
- ~50 billion comment spams (deleted by hand)
- I'd add some traffic data, but it looks like my hosting company's SSL certificate died today. So I can't get that info. A cynic would tell you that's because only 3 1/2 people visit the site every day. Hi Mom!

Yesterday, my buddy Aaron's post on quality vs. quantity got me thinking... but rather than do the right thing and figure out how to make a trackback to his post, I'll just hijack his discussion for my own purposes.

I tend to favor quality over quantity for single-author blogs. One person's voice can get to be a bit overwhelming on a daily basis, and I don't have room in my.yahoo for an RSS feed of all the single-author blogs I read. I have a couple of topical (read: sports) blogs with multiple authors that I throw on there, but the content (and commenting community) is good enough that it's actually useful to lead me to the post or two that goes up there every day. I like to visit the rest of the single-author blogs I read randomly -- whenever I think about it.

Besides, I just don't have the energy or inspiration to write interesting stuff regularly. There have been times (such as recently) where I've forced myself to write mediocre stuff or post pictures just to keep up with my idea of low-bar regularity. But posting once or twice a week with interesting stuff is *way* better than posting daily in a journal style (I had waffles for breakfast... etc.), IMHO.

So... the ideal option is to bring another author onto this site, or have regular guest posts by people I know who are keeping it real. I've flirted with both ideas, but every time someone sounds interested, nothing comes of it. If you have funny ideas and would like to join me in keeping it real, lemme know.

Now for the sentimental ending: Coincidentally (to the blog), the past year has stretched me and helped me grow in ways I couldn't have imagined. Hopefully some of that came thru on this site in entertaining ways. Needless to say, watching Sam be born and start growing up has changed me a bit :). Nothing helps you keep it real more than a baby pushing your nipple like it's a button on a remote control at 3AM. And Becky and Sam are the best family I could dream of. I'm *sure* that came thru on the site.

Posted by Mike at 04:54 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

- Do you ever wake up in such an odd position that you think there must be some giant child out there contorting your comatose body like a gumby doll? It may be because I was fighting for bed real estate with a 10 month old, but this morning I woke up in such a fruity position, I made the guy from the Scissor Sisters look like Tony Montana.

- The Seahawks are bringing the NFC championship game to Qwest field next weekend! If you had told me yesterday that they would have had 3 turnovers and lost Alexander for the game early, I would have given them no chance (after I curled up in a ball and sobbed like Sally Field). But the defense and Matt Hasselhoff stepped up. Once again, I believe in a Seattle sports team. And that is a dangerous thing.

- Wierd culture shock last night. We got a 'real' (non-family) babysitter for the first time. I went to pick her up, left her with Sam, and we went to Ballard to a house party where old college friends were drinking beer from a keg. That was fun. To be fair, there was some Brie involved, so it wasn't a total old-school rager. At 9:30(!) we checked out, rolled back over I-90, and back into the suburban world of strip malls and Leapfrog baby toys. I think there is a portal somewhere in the middle of Lake Washington back to my old life. Stranger yet, I'm not sure I would want to dive back in.

- One week down at the new job. I had so much to learn that by Friday afternoon I was so exhausted that I felt like that Bud Light Daredevil commercial where he is sweating bullets staying until 5:02 on a Friday. For the record, I made it to 5:03.

- What do you think the odds are you could have gotten against "LL Cool J and Queen Latifah will star in a feel-good romantic comedy together" back in 1991?

- 200 more comment spams this week. There has to be a better Movable Type plugin than the one I'm using. On the bright side, it looks like Anna Kournikova loves the site.

Posted by Mike at 08:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

We spent a couple of weeks in ID over Christmas and got to catch up with some of my high school buddies. As I've mentioned before, the crowd I ran with were the 'semi-geeks'. Smart and dorky, cool enough to get invited to a few parties, but not a whole lot of success with the ladies. Being with those guys now and hanging out downtown reminded me of some of the old stories. Here is one of them.

Note: The names, locations and SAT scores have been changed to protect the perpetually awkward.

To set the Scene: 'The Cruise' strip in downtown Boise is a 5 block by 2 block area downtown. We always thought we were too good for it because that's where the white trash and rural out-of-towners hung out. In contrast, we usually spent evenings playing foosball, arguing or playing trivia to prove our intelligence, and discussing whether Frederick Douglas was really the "master of the party machine in the House" as our history textbook suggested. A little different than cruising, where there were 2 goals:

1) Pick up girls

2) Pick fights with guys

Fair enough. One boring Saturday night we decided to mix it up with some ironic cruising. In truth, it wasn't totally ironic because we would all have loved to actually pick ourselves up a lady friend. But we could do without the fighting part.

We hopped in 'J-T's' Mazda pickup. 2 guys in the front, 2 in the back with yours truly crawling betwen the front and back via the sliding middle window. ('J-T' reminds me that I thought it was fun to crawl all the way thru just to ask a question). 'Even' and 'Stebe' are in the back. I think of this as chip-on-your-shoulder night. The three guys in the back were probably the shortest 3 in our graduating class and we were determined to prove that we could get some digits. Interestingly, Steve-I-mean-'Stebe' is now like 6'8" and we were the first 3 to get married. Take that women of Boise High School (not that I'm bitter).

With the little guys in the back, we were off. We cruised around a few times. Saw some lovely ladies and avoided eye contact with the guys. So far, so good. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a old grey sedan with 2 girls around our age in the front. And better yet, 3 seats open in the back! I think to myself, 'is this how it works?' Should we take a ride with them? It was on.

We probably cruised around 5 more times before I finally got the nerve to talk to them. We caught up to them at a stop light, and I blurted out "Hey -- can we come ride with you?" (Sadly, this may be my finest hour when it comes to picking up the ladies)

"Um... yeah, I guess so". I don't think they were expecting to take people on a ride (maybe that's not how it works?) but they obliged. And before the light turned green Stebe, Even and I climbed in the back. Here's where it went sour. Now we actually had to talk to them for a while. Never a good sign.

We asked them where they were from (Wieser -- a rural town about an hour away). We exchanged names. To be fair, the other guys were pulling the weight here. I was pretty mute. Then disaster struck.

'Even': "How old are you guys?"

Girls: "We are Sophomores. You?"

'Stebe': "Juniors."

(Long silence -- guys racking their brains...)

'Even': "Sophomores, huh? Did you take the PSATs?"

(Now, we spent *a lot* of time discussing our own scores, so this question was not completely out of left field. But still... pretty dumb.)

Girls: "Um... yeah."

'Even': "How'd you do?"

Girls: "What?"

'Even': "What was your score?"

Girls: (I don't remember the actual score, but suffice it to say it wasn't what 'Even' was looking for. They were low enough that it would be pretty uncomfortable to tell them ours). "How about you? What did you get?"

'Stebe': "1480"

'Mike': "1410"

'Even': "1540"

Girls: "What? You did not."

'Mike': (Sheepishly at this point) "Yeah, we did."

Girls: "No way, come on. What did you really get."

'Even': "Really, we did. Here, I've got my score to prove it."

('Even' reaches into his wallet and PULLS OUT HIS PSAT SCORE.)

Ok, so there are two things wrong with this picture:

1) 'Even' CARRIED AROUND HIS PSAT SCORE.

2) HE USED IT TO PICK UP WOMEN.

I don't want to be too hard on him -- we were young, that was sort of the reality of our social circle at the time, and Lord knows I've given him enough grief about it. But it is pretty funny. 'Even' is pretty suave now. And I don't know if his wife has ever heard this story (until now ).

Anyhoo -- after the brandishing of the PSAT score, we didn't stay in their car for long. Somehow we did manage to get their phone number. And we never called. (I mean really, folks, the girls lived in Wieser).

On to the moral. Confusious say:

"If you use wallet to pick up chick, money or credit card may suffice. Maybe tender picture of puppy. But never, NEVER, pull out standardized test score."

Posted by Mike at 11:15 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)

Happy new year everyone! It's good to be back home after an extended break. I've got a lot of things I'd like to write about, but I'm going to pace myself and try and turn them into real posts over the next week or so (i.e. be lazy right now).

The site was hit hard with comment spam while I was gone, so I just deleted about 200 of them. Good times.

In addition to my old standby resolution (hold my left hand up over my head like I'm riding a bull every time I use a public urinal), I am resolving to post written stuff on this site twice a week. And that should go well, because I've made it a record 4 days with the other resolution -- almost causing me to get a severe beat-down in a truck stop in Eastern Oregon. But that's neither here nor there. Point is, more posts, guaranteed, or your money back.

Posted by Mike at 08:29 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Looking for a job is hard. I was really looking forward to the process when I started it a month or so ago. But it turns out it sucks. The constant barrage of the same questions, lots of unspoken rules (you shouldn't tell one company recruiter you are even looking at other places. What?!?), etc. I'm finding it hard to get thru a full day of interviews without making one cynical wisecrack. And if that wisecrack is taken wrong, well -- best of luck to you. NEXT!

But what is the most difficult for me is waiting for feedback. 1,2,3 days can seem like an eternity if you are excited about an opportunity. It's a lot like the waiting period dance after a first date or a phone number exchange. The "guy" (recruiter/hr person) is sitting there with some idea of whether there is interest. The "girl" (job candidate) can do nothing but wait at home for the phone call. And it is SOOOOO FRUSTRATING waiting. The constant temptation to call them (maybe they have some info, it'll be ok, I'm just checking in, etc.) I wonder if the recruiter is sitting there on the other side, thumbtacking the phone number on the calendar, "Swingers" style.

Newbie Recruiter -- "I should just call him now. We know we'd like to make him an offer."

Experienced Recruiter -- "No. No. Don't ever do that. At least a 3 day waiting period is mandatory. Make him sweat some."

NR -- "What? How can you do that? How long do you wait?"

ER -- "6 days. Just put it out of your mind."

So, as the 'female' in this exchange, that's what I'm trying to do too. Put it out of my mind. Read a book? Works for about 10 pages until the words on the page turn into (Insert company name here) over and over. Go snowshoeing? That's good, but the cell phone is still burning a hole in my pocket. Kill time on the internet? Oh no. That is an invitation to reload Gmail 45 times an hour.

Speaking of, I've got to go reload Gmail. And if you are reading this, Mr. Recruiter -- please call me (sobs into gallon of ice cream).

Posted by Mike at 02:04 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Urinals are broken. Even the big troughs they have at old football stadiums are better than the modern urinal. It almost makes me want to pee sitting down sometimes. You would think someone would have fixed the problems by now, but I guess not. So, maybe I can start the revolution. My beefs:

1) When you pee against the porcelain, the backsplash is dangerous. You don't get drenched, but there is a real mist issue and sometimes shoes or pants get wet.

2) For this reason, I often (when I am alone in a restroom) back away from the urinal after I get started. No more backsplash. But, those automatic flushers always flush the toilet when I back up. Why are those so sensitive, but the sink ones take a freaking full scale hand-jive to turn on? ANYWAY, this leads to this scenario:

- Start peeing, back up 6 inches or so.

- Flush!

- Almost done peeing, have to step forward again (hopefully flush is done so that doesn't splash me).

- Finish, step away -- no flush! Apparently the thing is smart enough to know I STEPPED BACKWARDS 6 INCHES, but not smart enough to know when I leave completely.

So... that's a problem. To say nothing of the chance that someone will walk in whtile I'm stepped back from the urinal. Then I get the real 'freak' label (as if you don't do the same thing!).

3) Why is there water in the bottom of some urinals? I thought water was in toilets for 2 purposes -- diluting the stains and the smells. No need for this in a urinal. Just drain the fluid and flush 5 seconds later. Peeing in the water doesn't help with the splashback. It just makes the whole experience loud and splashes more likely.

My proposed solutions:

1) Design a porcelain bowl for optimum spraying. There shouldn't be a rule that the pee has to hit the back wall at a 90 degree angle. Give me a decending slope to pee down. A 'pee-ramp' if you will.

2) Fix the auto flush laser. Come on, laser. You knew that you were hitting the other wall 6 feet away 30 seconds ago. Don't give up on me until you at least hit something 3 feet away or so (this allows for the case where another dude is back there waiting his turn). Trust me. That guy will be giving me 3 feet of room at least. Guys do not come close to each other in bathrooms.

3) Get rid of the standing water in the bottom. It's unnecessary and loud. I do like the 'urinal cakes' scented things though. They do freshen things up.

Posted by Mike at 05:31 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

I just received a phone call with a recorded voice message from a "mother of 2" urging me to vote for Ron Sims for King County Executive. Cool. Here's what I know about Ron Sims:

* He's a Democrat

* He's the incumbent

* The Sierra Club endorses him (as I've been told by several loud voice messages, one of which woke up my son at 8:30 at night. 8:30! THE NERVE OF THESE PEOPLE CALLING SO LATE!).

* He's black.

* The position of "Executive" sounds way cooler than "President" or "Governor". In fact, I put "Executive" right up there behind "Premier" as coolest elected title.

All of those things are good as far as I'm concerned. That's why I voted for him. AFAIC, that's why he won almost 2/1. Notice the past tense in the previous 2 sentences. Voting was yesterday. Ok, "Executive" Sims, et. al -- did you guys stay out too late celebrating that you couldn't be bothered to turn off the auto-dial machine this morning? Nice.

Posted by Mike at 10:06 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

There comes a time in every man's life when he realizes that the world just isn't quite the way he thought it was. When water appears to flow uphill, plants grow away from the sun, and stalactites, well they do something that I wouldn't expect they would do (they are the celing ones, right?).

That time, dear readers, is today. My world is rocked. And in the spirit of bloggage, I would like to share my revalation with all of you -- THE INTERNET CANNOT HELP YOU WITH ALL OF YOUR PROBLEMS. Hard to believe. I know. Breathe.

For the haters in the house, I offer up some humble examples of what the internet may or may not help you with:

* How to peel ginger? Sure! The interweb loves ginger! We'd love to show you this awesome spoon-peeling technique!

* What to do if your garage door opener breaks down? Hell no. The advice the internet gave me cost me $114 and a re-broken door 1 week later. Do not ask the internet about garage doors.

* Want to learn about bit-shifting in case someone wants to pester you about it in future interviews? Yes, we at world wide web headquarters are well versed in helping people pretend like they know that. Please, search our array of help on the topic. Make yourself a flash card.

* If your house foundation starts to leak? What should you do? (I mean besides curl up under the sheets and cry [aside -- OH NO, IT'S RAINING HARD AGAIN! PLEASE GOD MAKE IT STOP!!!]). No, the internet doesn't have any good ideas for that Mr. Soft-hands-woudn't-know-a-day-of-real-work-if-it-jumped-up-and-bit-him-in-the-ass.

Tomorrow I pick up the phone book. The first step in my recovery. I don't even know how I got this bad. Why am I so dependent on my computer with help for stupid stuff like this? Perhaps there is a support group for people like me. Some tough love and community. "My name is Mike and I thought my computer could help me fix my fence". Just someone to stand up to me and say "Enough with the google groups trolling. Pick up the phone and call a contractor you ninny. Please step away from the keyboard..."

Posted by Mike at 12:16 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

I've been reading a lot lately. When you have time off and you go to a place with no internet access, you occasionally have to pick up a book. Funny thing is, pretty much everything I've been reading has a similar style, and it's got me thinking about creativity and what "the new media" really is. First thing's first, here's a sampling of my latest reads:

The Know it All by A.J. Jacobs

Zen and the Art... by Robert Pirsig

Killing Yourself to Live... by Chuck Klosterman

Dress Your Family in Courdoury and Denim by David Sedaris

Add this to my already-mentioned affinity for Sufjan Stevens and Sarah Vowell, and it becomes clear. I have a thing for memoirs. Strangely though, it's not just books and music -- "the real media", it's the "new media" too.

Blogging has been slammed (somewhat fairly) for being too personal -- "an online journal", or being too negative -- "bitching about everything". But there is some good stuff out there. I think the best blogs and online columns are refelctions of the actual topic at hand in the author's experience (i.e. a memoir). I gather that this has always been a big deal in Movies (my filmmaker friend Nels tells me that Werner Herzog has some famous films where he turns the subject about making the movie), and I think that essentially all great screenplays and books are reflections of the author's life, but to me this seems new. Jacobs, Stevens, Vowell, and Klosterman are going out of their way to take trips/have experiences so that they'll have some way to reflect on their own relationships, etc. It's not a memoir of an experience as much as an experience to write a memoir. And it turns out really entertaining and good.

This discussion between Klosterman and Bill Simmons touches on the topic somewhat. When people talk about blogs and the "new media" in terms of voyeurism and pedantic ramblings, they sort of have it right. It's true that there is a lot of dreck out there ("The Harriet Miers debacle reminds me of my last relationship"?!?). But it can be done well (see the blogroll at right). The key, as Klosterman/Simmons define it is "new content". What do most blog authors have to offer in terms of new content? Their own experience :) So, I guess what I'm saying (maybe some of you knew this all along) is that the best blogs are just an extended memoir, and that doesn't have to be a bad thing.

So to my readers (if there are any left after this hiatus), I promise that I'll have more new-content memoirs (and fewer goofy pictures) soon.

Posted by Mike at 10:33 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Posted by Mike at 03:47 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Bad blogger... I know, I haven't posted for a while. We've been travelling, and I really haven't had much to say. So I will leave you with a quick antecdote about one of my friends kids (relayed to me by the dad).

3 YO Boy: "Mom, can I have some (details forgot)...?"

Mom: "(changing a baby's diaper) Not now, I'm busy."

3 YO Boy: (under his breath and walking away) "Grumpy old troll..."

Apparently he learned this line from Dora the Explorer. Funniest part is, the Dad had to run into the other room so he could fall over lauging without his son seeing. :)

Posted by Mike at 02:36 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Q: Which current overused term/phrase will have more staying power?

a) "Let's hug it out bitch"

b) "Mash-up"

Please file your choice in the comments, as well as any examples of overuse you may have.

Posted by Mike at 09:34 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

I think instead of affecting a fake British accent (ala Madonna or the lead singer from The Killers), people should affect a fake British writing style. Writing is the new speaking after all. This could start with just spellings:

Should we meet at the centre of the city to practise our new programme?

Of course. It would be my honour to manoeuvre my way down there.
'
Then quickly move to a different style of 'humour' alltogether, ala the World's Funniest Joke. 1. 2.

Pretty soon we'll all be adding superflous silent 'e's at the end of words, and writing stupid jokes on our blogs about Dr. Watson.

1. Is it really the World's Funniest Joke if only Brits think it is funny?

2. This is like the "World Series". You know, the one contested between Boston and St. Louis?

Posted by Mike at 08:07 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

* I've added a couple of new 'features' to the site. On the right hand side I have links to sites I read every day and friends sites. You should check out both if you know what's good for you.

* I totally forgot today was September 19th. You know what September 19th is, don't you? TLAPD. I can't believe I missed most of it. Er... Avast ye mateys, I can't believe I be missin this fine grog. Or something like that.

* Do you ever think you are good enough to wash a spoon under running water without spraying yourself, only to get soaked? Um... me neither.

* Paparazzo is singular for paparazzi. That's pretty rad.

* Arby Horsey Ketchup? That is what they ask you at the Arby's drive thru. Mrs. ikeepitreal did a full spit take. I'm not a english major, but I'm pretty sure that's not an imperative sentence, much less a question. Also, this begs the question -- is there a training video out there where they teach new employees to say that?

* What is the <div> html tag for anyway? Divider? The others are pretty self-explanatory, but I refuse to look this one up. It doesn't appear to do anything if I add them or remove them from my Movable Type template.

* Former MTV VJ contest runner up and long time VJ Dave Holmes has a blog. Funny stuff. My question to you -- most successful reality TV contestant ever?

* Foof Chair or Love Sac? I can't be the only person out there to have pondered this.

Posted by Mike at 08:06 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Yesterday was my last day at BEA Systems. I found out about 1 year ago that BEA was moving the project I worked on (Apache Beehive and WebLogic Workshop integration with it) to Boulder, CO. My choice was to move to Boulder, or be laid off. I like Boulder a lot, but we are pretty settled here. So, ... I made myself stick it out thru the year because I think getting laid off is a rite of passage for software employees (plus the severence/unemployment will be nice).

BEA was a great place to work. I've been there almost 6 years, straight out of college, and worked with some amazing people. Actually, the timing is not unlike a professional baseball player who achieves his free agency after 6 years of service (usually around the age of 28). Of course, this analogy falls apart with the obvious compensation differences, skill level, and the fact that this hasn't exactly been a contract year for me. :|

I plan on staying home with Mrs. and Baby ikeepitreal for a while, dominating my fantasy football league, then hitting the books hard and boning up for the inevitable interview loops. We'll also be doing some travelling in the NW and getting Sam some Grandparents time. Ping me if you have some time off and would like to hang out with us somewhere.

Posted by Mike at 11:13 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I just had a brainstorm that will *definitely* make me my first million ;)

You know how the Dewey Decimal system is so easy to use? Don't you love writing down numbers that mean nothing, and using them to find what you are looking for? Aren't those little library pencils sooooo cute? Well, let's bring all of that wonderful user experience to the web by creating a library-style web directory.

Picture this: Instead of a url to get to a website, you use a dewey decimal system number -- and browse other similar numbers for pages that are also relevant. I'll go to the trouble of indexing this crazy thing we call the "information superhighway" under this system, and the world can reap the benefits.

Let's see how this will work. Here are the DDS main categories:

000 Generalities
100 Philosophy & psychology
200 Religion
300 Social sciences
400 Language
500 Natural sciences & math
600 Technology (Applied sciences)
700 The arts
800 Literature & rhetoric
900 Geography & history

Hmmm. I don't think that will quite cover it. I think we'll have to add the following categories:

1000 Gambling
1100 Porn
1200 Advertising for gambling and porn
1300 Inane blogs
1400 People arguing about useless crap
1500 People arguing about inane blog entries

Looks good. Funny, when I started this post it was meant to be a total farce. Now it kind of sounds like a good idea . It's probably just because I'm so tired I just washed my hands with lotion.

Venture capitalists -- line up now. I will be accepting funding bids for shhhhhhhhh.com throughout the fall.

"shhhhhhhhh.com -- because the URLs with fewer 'h's were taken".

Posted by Mike at 08:54 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

For your enjoyment, I will now present a story demonstrating the "special" relationship I have with my high school friends.

Nels: "Wanna play CrotchBall?"

Mike: "Sure" (Mike heads to the garage to get tennis balls)

Mike and Nels head to the back patio in giggly non-communication...

Mike and Nels take turns bouncing the tennis ball off the ground towards each other's jewels until someone is hurt...

Game over!

And that, my fellow real-keepers, is the story of how CrotchBall was silently invented by two sadistic and telepathic friends.

Posted by Mike at 05:20 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

On Wednesday, I had what might be the greatest customer experience of my life. I took the boat out a couple of weeks ago and managed to lose the plug to our huge towable -- The Dragon. I figured it was one of those things where finding a replacement part would be harder than finding a needle in Rafael Palmeiro's Butt. *

Well, I found out the headquarters of H/O watersports is in Redmond, and gave them a call. Here is what transpired:

Linda (H/O): "H/O Watersports, this is Linda"

Mike: "Hi Linda, this is Mike. I have one of your towables and managed to lose the plug. I was wondering if you..."

Linda: "Sure, we'll send you a new one, can I get your address?"

Mike: "Wait, you don't need the model number or anything? Ok. (Address...)"

Linda: "Well, the mail's already gone out today, so if you need it tonight (!), you can just come pick one up."

Mike: "(Still shocked by how easy this is) Oh, no that's ok."

Linda: "Ok Mike -- Thanks for calling."

Mike: "Wait, how do I pay you for this?"

Linda: "Oh, It's just a replacement part -- It's free."

Mike: "(Stunned silence)"'

Unbelievable. A free universal replacement part mailed out that day. The proverbial crotchety old man we all used to work retail for that constantly preaches customer service is pleased. Very pleased.

Update: I got the plug in the mail. They sent 2(!) of them. I will now marry H/O Watersports.

* I know, this is a really bad joke.

Posted by Mike at 12:37 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I recently went in on a used boat with Mark. This has inspired a lot of questions. I hope to clear some stuff up below:

Q -- You got a boat? What, you think you are big pimpin' now?

A -- If by "big pimpin'" you mean "splitting the cost of a 15 year old 17 foot boat'", then yes. I am "big pimpin'".

Q -- What happened to fuel-conscious Mike?

A -- Like everything in which I once (really) kept it real, this has gone by the wayside. I have a 4-Runner now too! To assuage my guilt, my Terra Pass is in the mail.

Q -- Dude. You know a sailboat is cooler, right?

A -- Yes.

Q -- Can you even waterski/wakeboard?

A -- Um, not really. Once I wakeboarded and caught some sick tiny air.

Q -- Can Sam go on it?

A -- Yes. We got a terribly cute life jacket for him, but he doesn't really like wearing it. After some fussiness, the boat seems to put him to sleep. But it seems to be more pain than it's worth right now.

Q -- Why?

A -- Lake Sammamish is *super* close to my house, and driving out to the middle of the lake and going swimming is one of the better parts of any week. Reminds me of my childhood in mountain lakes.

Q -- What does it look like?

A -- It's in the middle here. (I drove it to work today).

Q -- Sounds like fun! Can I come ride? Can I borrow it?

A -- It is. Yes! Maybe. I put a ridiculously anal set of instructions up here if the latter turns into a Yes!

Q -- Why are you so obsessed with this boat? Go to sleep.

A -- Becky?!? How did you get in here? What? Ok, how high?

Posted by Mike at 10:16 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

It's a little crushing to one's self esteem when one's own 4 month-old son laughs hysterically every time he sees his father naked.

Posted by Mike at 11:46 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Things overheard or seen today in Boulder, CO

- "No. I'm a MOUNTAIN BIKER. I ride 17 MILES a day."

- "What? He wanted 8 shots of espresso? What do you call *that*?"

- "This beef is organic, right?"

- "What we're trying to do is stuff a 15 pound ball into a 5 pound sack. We are all hoping that (our Eng. Director) increases the size of the sack."

- "Just about anyone will fit into any hammock. I fit people into the hammock that they like the best."

- "So that's 2 whole pounds of chevre?"

- "Do you guys sell underwear?" (guess who packed in a hurry)

- A group of 30+ people at an italian coffee shop at 7:45 AM silently and intently watching the Tour de France.

- "Oh I love that author! Sedaris' novels are the best." (David Sedaris writes non-fiction essays)

- "This one has superior wicking power."

Posted by Mike at 07:18 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

I love me some Costco. Not only do they have a bunch of fun random stuff, the $1.50 cafe, and cheap gas -- they are also like the liberal Wal-Mart. Where Wal-Mart donated to Bush, Costco donated to Kerry. Where Wal-Mart pays poorly and has a misogynistic hiring/promotion history, Costco has a spotless hiring record and pays well. Check out this post. On top of all this, Costco is local, so I can further feel like I'm plugging the local economy.

But mostly, I love the free food samples. Today we popped in for lunch at the $1.50 cafe and ended up with a veritable smorgasbord of goodness *. Where else would you eat such a variety of food (and in such a strange order)? A stomachache quickly followed, but it was well worth it.

My Costco roster for 6/30/05:

1) Polish Sausage & Diet Coke (cafe)
2) Passion Fruit Smoothie
3) Granola Nibbles
4) Cheesecake
5) Pomegranete Juice
6) Wheat Bread
7) Teriakyi Beef Jerky
8) Swirl FroYo (cafe)

* Have you ever seen the word "veritable" not followed by "smorgasbord" or "cornucopia"? Anyone...?

Posted by Mike at 08:45 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

I like how this kid riding the NASCAR excersaucer has a baby mullet. That is keeping it real.

Posted by Mike at 10:09 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Is there anything more emasculating than buying puffy paint?

"(ring) Hi Honey. Do you mind stopping by Michael's to get some puffy paint?"

"Um, what?"

"Puffy paint. You know, the stuff you decorate cheezy tee-shirts with."

"No, I know what it is. You want me to buy it?!?"

"Yeah"

"(resigned to his neutered fate) Ok. What colors do you want?"

Posted by Mike at 10:54 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

My college friends and I play a game on the first day of each month. If you say "rabbit" to someone before they get a chance to say it to you, you win. It's that simple.

I think it's a bastardized version of this. At some point it got turned into a competition. Although the competitive fire has recently died down between us, here are some funny ways we have got each other in the past:

* 12:00 AM (alarm goes off)
* One roommate - "What is going on?!?"
* Other roommate - "RABBIT!"

Or the living apart version:

* "Ring Ring"
* "Hello?"
* "RABBIT!"

And the variation:

* "Ring Ring"
* (with glorious victory) -- "RABBIT!"
* Outsider hands the phone to interested competitor -- "RABBIT!"
* "NOOOOOOOOO"

At first Becky thought this game was stupid (as you are probably thinking). But after some persistence (and several dozen defeats), she came around. In fact, 2 nights ago we had this exchange when Sam woke us up at 2AM:

* Becky - "ooh, ooh... RABBIT"
* Mike - "It's the 31st :)"

Anyway, fun game. All of which is to say...

RABBIT!

Posted by Mike at 05:59 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

We went up to Bellingham this weekend with a bunch of friends and family for the Ski to Sea race. Our team was 1/2 the same as last year, with 3 of the members new parents. I don't want to speak for the other 2 (hi Scott and Cindy), but I am amazed at just how out of shape 3 months of comfort food, staying in at night, and no excersise can get me. That is the excuse for my poor time. Well, that and the FREAKING HUGE MOUNTAIN I HAD TO CLIMB UP.

We had a lot of fun with the race. The roster:

Our team ended up with a inflated (as in faster than it should have been) time, as our anchor Mark rolled his kayak, lost his glasses, and caught a ride in -- but rang the bell anyway .

See the rest of the pics by clicking on the one below. The "garbage" sign is a nice touch.

Posted by Mike at 06:57 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

As I wrote before, BEA engineering is a little obsessed with clever IM statuses (everyone uses Yahoo!). Lately, this obsession has become self-referential. Here are some recent examples:

- "Insert status here"

- "You have been logged into another computer" (A common Y!M logout dialog)

- "Buy this status"

The last one is particularly funny. My friend Zach auctioned off his status space for charity last week. And who was the lucky winning bidder? Some dude known as mikey_foster (better known in this space as ikeepitreal). So, my friends -- I have a great opportunity this week. The chance to reach a new audience of people, and the chance to present statuses as Zach. Here are some directions I may go with it:

- Embarrasment: Zach loves indie music, so linking to pop acts or proclaming a love for Hall and Oates might be particularly effective.

- Subdivision: I can change the status 3 times a day for 5 days, so I could sell off the opportunity in chunks. But, as the whole thing sold for $9.50, I don't think this would be very lucrative.

- Advertising: Simply point to ikeepitreal.com all week to get new readers. (I could even go meta and link to this post). Sadly, as the post frequency here has been going down -- I don't think anyone will be particularly impressed.

- Self-mockery: This reminds me of when my little sister would copy everything I said ("stop copying me"/"stop copying me"), and I would start saying things like "Debbi is an idiot" to see if she would repeat that. Yeah! In your face copycat.

I am leaning towards #1 (Embarrasment). Needless to say, if any of y'all have good ideas lemme know. I'll update this post if anything particularly interesting comes of it.

Posted by Mike at 07:34 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

When I was in high school in the early 90's my buddies and I used to joke about being "sensitive 90's men". Maybe we thought it would get us in with the ladies (it didn't). Maybe we were embracing a new 'comfortable with my sexuality' masculinity. Or maybe we were just being dumb.

Where I'm going with this is -- I think the biggest thing to come out of this 'movement' (maybe it wasn't that, just part of my coming-of-age awareness) is vanity. Most men my age are vain. Not always in an overtly open/Queer Eye/metrosexual way, but primpy at the very least. I would go as far as to say that men under the age of 30 are as vain as the women of the same age group. At work the other day a couple of my friends were fighting over who was more fashionable . I'm just not sure this is well understood. On a previous post, Heather was suprised I use conditioner. Conditioner?!? You don't know the half of it.

The other day, Beck and I were pushing Sammy around the mall, and Beck wanted to "return something" at Nordstrom. That left me milling around the men's section, pondering my sleep-deprived puffy eyes. So I made my way over to the men's cosmetic section, and checked out the "products". To make a long story short, some combination of a cute sales clerk/my anality to do something right/and a splurgy mood bought me this:

That's right -- You are looking at $170 of Jack Black (no not that Jack Black) cosmetics. Clockwise, from left to right:

• Beard Lube
• Hand Cream
• Face Buff
• Body Lotion
• Sunscreen
• Eye Balm
• Face Moisturizer
• Lip Balm
• Post Shave Cooling Gel
• Face Bar

To be fair, I am returning about half that stuff. The eye balm/face moisturizer/shaving cream combo has treated me well so far. I'm actually enjoying spending a few extra minutes on this. But there is some guilt involved, so I guess this post is my way of coming (ahem) clean with my vanity and getting it off my chest. Fabulous!

Posted by Mike at 10:30 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Rush Limbaugh apologizes to "Claymates"

(sorry, this link may not work after a while in the archives -- yahoo is weak that way)

There may not be two people I dislike more than Rush Limbaugh and Clay Aiken. This story is priceless for that reason alone. But some other stuff I found amusing:

1) Clay Aiken's fans are called "Claymates".

2) Rush uses the term "dissed". I used to think a term jumped the shark when my parents started using it, but when a syndicated conservative talk radio host mixes it into his vernacular -- that'll kill it pretty darn fast.

3) Maybe Rush needs to mix his vices. Prescription painkillers and Clay Aiken music might make for a nice combination. Like the time Brett and I took his extra muscle relaxants and watched Survivor. Good times.

Posted by Mike at 07:08 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I've created a new Flickr group called "2 Starbucks". The idea is to get a picture with multiple Starbucks locations in it and tag it as such. Here is the best pic I've got so far. Feel free to contribute :)

Posted by Mike at 10:28 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Well, I didn't expect people to actually take me up on it :) Our friend Hilary sent us this little treat from Japan (thanks Hil!). As promised -- if you send it, I will eat it.

I especially like the flying amoeba/sheep.

There are no pictures of me eating it this time because I only got thru a handful of them. I planned on triumphantly photographing the last one, but I didn't get there. It tasted like fermented Twinkie filling surrounded by a Bugle. I had about 5 of the 40 or so and threw up in my mouth.

So this one is a failure. Sigh.

Want to send me a delicious treat? Request my address.

Posted by Mike at 07:21 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

March 3rd changed my life in so many ways. These are some of the ones I didn't expect.

Hygiene

I'm pretty much down to shaving once a week. Not because I don't have time (I'm not too busy -- I'm either here or at work) but because of a lack of energy. Today I went into work with an itchy 6 days of growth and huge bags under my eyes. Now, I was never much to look at, but I do feel sorry for my co-workers. Dealing with a grumpy Sonny Crocket wannabe scratching himself like a heroin junkie can't be fun.

On the flipside, I'm brushing my teeth more than ever. When you wake up at 12 and 4AM every morning and have to smell your own breath bouncing off of your son's cheek, nocturnal halitosis suddenly becomes relevant.

Cabin Fever

Like I mentioned, I'm spending *all* my time at work and at home. To be fair, it's mostly home. I'm working at home a bit, and spending even less time in the office than the rest of BEA NW these days. To make up for it, I try to send a piece of work email at each late night feeding to put out that "Wow -- Foster is really cranking on someting at 4:13AM" vibe. Not exactly keeping it real, but please -- you've never done it?

Proud Poppa

Look. I understand Sam is overexposed on this website, but really -- that's your problem if want to read it. What I need to keep in check is imposing my pride on people who don't ask for it. I took the kid out for a walk today using the Baby Bjorn and I really had to check my body language to make sure I wasn't strutting around like freaking John Travolta. As it turned out I probably went too far the other way -- I'd say more like Frankenstein with a baby tied to his chest.

I just sent some first bath pictures to the grandparents. I should make sure -- that's not peddling kiddie porn on the internet, is it? 'Cause I am terrified of prison. The only thing that scares me more than prison is kidney stones.

Posted by Mike at 08:41 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

File this under... "If you send it, I'll eat it and post about it".

My Brother and Sister in-laws in Germany sent over a special treat with no explanation.

Check out the burp cloth on my shoulder. Just in case :)

Mmmm.... Nothing like a delicious Bi Fi Roll.

Posted by Mike at 07:08 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

I guess it's probably been said before, but what is up with these lyrics?

Rock-a-bye baby, in the tree top
When the wind blows, the cradle will rock
When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall
And down will come baby, cradle and all

This is supposed to put my child to sleep? I know he doesn't understand much, but those lyrics are like "The Shining" for acrophobic infants. I am officially boycotting that song. I will, however, continue to stick with Nelly's "Hot In Herre" for changing time.

Posted by Mike at 12:34 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

This morning in the shower I was so tired, I put the conditioner right on my hair while the shampoo was still in. I know, not really a big deal, but for me it opened up one of life's larger existential mysteries:

Did the conditioner bake it's regular goodness into my hair, bringing along some of the more harsh chemicals of the shampoo? Or:

Did the shampoo simply wash away the conditioner, stripping everything in it's path off of my hair?

Which is more powerful? I must know. Seriously, there are a few of you out there with chemistry degrees -- Let me drink at the fount of your great knowledge and wisdom.

P.S: I don't want to hear any arguments about Pert Plus. Pert Plus is vile! 2-in-1 shampoos do not keep it real!. (Breathing...) For everyone's sake, we'll save my Pert Plus aversion rant for another day.

Posted by Mike at 10:57 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Don't try to stand on a balance ball. I know it sounds like fun. I know you may have the side of a treadmill to hold on to. I know you may have a cushy new carpet pad to fall on. Don't do it.

Posted by Mike at 08:56 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

FYI -- About the links in the entry below. I originally tried to link directly to the clip from Amazon, but they won't let me do that :) So I linked to the albums, and I looked some into the referral program.

I don't expect this site to get a lot of traffic, and I don't expect anyone to buy stuff that I link to, but after checking it out I created a page for my own personal use. I'll also continue sticking my refer ID in the links I put up, just because I'm a greedy so-and-so. If you end up buying something thru these links, lemme know about it and I'll kick you back some in the form of coffee/beer/or even a non-addictive substance!

Posted by Mike at 03:49 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

There ought to be a name for the kind of guilt you feel after leaving work early because you feel sick and watching 3 straight episodes of the O.C. There isn't a name for that??? Let's call it chumdiggle. Let's just say I'm feeling a bit of chumdiggle right now.

Posted by Mike at 08:57 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

This is a place where I can eschew the suburban lifestyle that has engulfed me and get back to keeping it real.

I'm just hoping to post pictures, vent a little bit about things that interest me, and give my friends and family something entertaining to read.

Posted by Mike at 03:45 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)