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A study of the overcovered Boston Red Sox/New York Yankees rivalry as reflected in things my 3 year old son said today:

"Are the Red Sox playing the YankEEES?"
(I had no idea -- turns out they are)

"Is David Ortiz playing? Or is he still not feeling good?"

"Is Derek JEEter playing? Will he wear his home jersey or his road jersey?"

(singing) "Old gray mare just ain't what she used to be, Manny Ramirez ago."

"Daddy -- What are your thoughts on the love rectangle between A-Rod, Madonna, Lenny Kravitz, and Cynthia Rodriguez?"

Ok, I made that last one up.

Posted by Mike at 03:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Sam: "What team is THAT?"

Mike: "That's the Celtics"

Sam: "Well, what team is THAT?"

Mike: "The Lakers"

Sam: "What team is the GREEN team?"

Mike: "The Celtics"

Sam: "The BOSTON CELTICS?"

Mike: "Yep"

Sam: (Sees this picture)

Sam: "Daddy! A girl plays for the BOSTON CELTICS!"

Posted by Mike at 09:18 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I'm surprisingly not very upset about the Mitchell report. As it turns out, my formative years as a sports fan were almost entirely spent during the era of performance enhancers (my first fanboy excitement about a baseball card was this one). I should feel a little defrauded, right? The heroes of my youth were shams.

But I'm not angry. I can't even muster up a snarl. As long as Edgar wasn't mentioned in the report (he wasn't -- WOO!), it is pretty meaningless to me. Even though the 2000 and 2001 Mariners lost to the overwhelmingly-doped-up Yankees in the ALCS (I spent $200 to get into the game where Clemens threw a 1 hitter), it feels like water under the bridge at this point.

Until this Andy Pettitte story came out. Now it's starting to get to me, and I think we'll see a dozen or so more of these releases before it's over. The no-apology apology. Here's the quote from Pettitte:

"If what I did was an error in judgment on my part, I apologize," Pettitte said Saturday in a statement released by his agent. "I accept responsibility for those two days."

COULD THAT BE ANY MORE WATERED DOWN? Sheesh. From my read, he's not even sure it was an error in judgement, much less an error. And thanks for accepting responsibility for two freaking days in your life. Way to be a man.

Now that's the kind of thing that can stoke my blogging/internet ranting vitriol. Thanks for waking up my anger, Andy. Now I can begin to properly burn and complain about the 0-5 record the M's had against you and Clemens in those series mentioned above. Juicers (Sigh).

Posted by Mike at 06:57 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Heard in our house repeatedly over the past few weeks (from Sam):

"I... Don't like... The Yankees... Or the Angels..."

"I LIKE THE MARINERS!"

So there you have it. Another Mariner fan successfully brainwashed. Sorry for the life of misery you were born into, kid.

Posted by Mike at 01:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

So Michael Vick got busted at airport security today for a water bottle that had a hidden compartment with some marijuana 'residue' in it. I have a number of thoughts here, and no, I'm not going to go all "LEGALIZE IT" on you.

1) Why did this compartment (which was reportedly on the side of the bottle) have residue in it? Was this some kind of portable bong that is meant to look like a water bottle? With the secret compartment on the side? That doesn't seem right to me. Am I really that clueless about how bongs work?

2) If it was really just pot 'residue', what is the problem? I know it's not illegal to own a bong. He wasn't in possession of weed. I don't know why this irks me but it does. Dude just got his reputation hammered and has been a national sports talk radio joke all day for what seems to me like more of a privacy violation by the security agency than anything else. Throw away the suspicious bottle if you have to, but don't make an incident of it. What charges could you possibly bring against him?

3) That sports yak crowd is getting one thing right, however. YOU'RE MICHAEL FREAKING VICK. You make $25M a year. You're traveling to Miami for a good time. Great. Why do you have to try to sneak your Transformer bong thru security? You're telling me nobody can help you out on the other end? Like there aren't 100 shops on South Beach that could sell you drug paraphernalia legally? And why, for the love of God, would you have water in it? I don't know about you, but last time I flew they told me about 3 score and 8 times to get rid of all my liquids. If there is one clear incident that should clue the Falcons organization in that they probably shouldn't ask Vick to run the West Coast offense, it is this stupidity. In fact, they should start running all rookies thru this drill instead of making them take the Wonderlic test:

The Fosterlic Test

When carrying a suspicious item thru a security line at an airport, should you:

A) Dump all liquids out of it first
B) Wrap it in tin foil (this one's for Damon Stoudamire *and* Spinal Tap)
C) Walk thru with the item full of water, act like you've never heard of the liquid ban, then refuse to hand it over
D) Don't fly commercial
E) Don't carry a suspicious item

You can run my offense if you choose E. I'll also accept D and maybe A. But C?!? Really? Come on Mike.

Posted by Mike at 11:50 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I normally write pathetic complaining rants about sports on this website, so this one will be a change of pace:

THAT FIESTA BOWL GAME BETWEEN BOISE STATE AND OKLAHOMA WAS THE GREATEST FOOTBALL GAME OF ALL TIME.

* 22 points in the last 86 seconds of regulation
* 4 do or die plays executed sucessfully by BSU
* 3 on trick plays
* 5 minor strokes suffered by my Dad
* I finally learned it is 'hook and lateral' not 'hook and ladder'. Huh.

Anyhoo. A great game, a fun team to root for, and a winner! Whaddyaknow?

Posted by Mike at 07:23 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Editor's note: This post was started on August 6th.

Ahh, the Seattle Mariners. I went into this year without a lot of hope (witness -- no optimistic 2006 predictions like the crazy 2005 ones). But... this team is unlike any other I have been a fan of. They have managed to get me excited and crush me not once, or twice, but seven times. Today I gave up on them for good. Or at least, I hope so.

A few weeks ago, I finally picked up a copy of "Fever Pitch" by Nick Hornby *. Great book, funny, and man do I identify. Truthfully, I don't understand about 90% of the references in the book because it is about the English Premier League, but my love for baseball and *Your Seattle Mariners* is, while not on the same scale, at least comparable to Hornby's love for Arsenal. So in Fever Pitch fashion, (without the amazing prose and detailed reflection on life) I will provide a chronological view on my 2006 M's season:

April 3rd, 2006 -- SEA vs. LAA.
Mood: Interested, but not bought in.
Record: 0-1
My boys lose a close one 5-4 to the Angels. Incidentely, "The Los Angeles Angels" translates roughly to "The The Angels Angels", right? I'm pretty sure I stole that joke from someone. Anyhoo, the opening defeat reinforces my belief that this is probably not a team worth pouring my heart into.

April 6th, 2006 -- SEA vs. OAK
Mood: Starting to believe.
Record: 3-1
A win against the A's to open up the second series of the year. Tied for 1st place. Maybe this season will turn out ok after all. (In retrospect, the only win against el Elephantos in 14 tries).

April 12th, 2006 -- SEA vs. CLE
Mood: Given up (1).
Record: 3-5
Losers of 4 straight, (including 3 straight against Oakland) drive me off the bandwagon. It'll take a serious run to get me interested again. Same old M's of the last few years.

May 1st, 2006 -- SEA vs. MIN
Mood: Eh?
Record: 12-16
After winning their last two series, and taking the first game from the super-hot Twinkies, I am keeping one eye on these guys. Lopez, Johjima, and Betancourt are pleasant suprises.

May 5th, 2006 -- SEA vs. CLE
Mood: Given Up (2)
Record: 12-19
Check that. The M's lose their 4th straight, 9-4. Awful streaky. And I am officially fickle.

May 14, 2006 -- SEA vs. LAA
Mood: Hmm, they might hover around the race.
Record: 17-22
They beat the Angels to take their second series in a row. 5 games below .500 and the same out of 1st place. Thanks to a crummy division, this season might become interesting.

May 18th, 2006 -- SEA vs. OAK
Mood: Throwing stuff; Given up (3)
Record: 17-25
A three game sweep at the hands of the A's. I fall asleep, only to dream of Billy Beane getting hit by a car and losing his job, then miraculously recovering to GM the Mariners. Dream of the year.

May 24th, 2006 -- SEA vs. BAL
Mood: Forgotten about the A's.
Record: 22-26
4 out of 5! Hovering in the division race. Putz is a dominant closer. Who knew?

May 30th, 2006 -- SEA vs. TEX
Mood: Given up (4)
Record: 22-32
Losers of 6 in a row, my boyz drop 10 games below .500. I stop checking scores and turning the radio on in the car (TV was forsaken long ago). I would rather listen to Sam's Veggie Tales CD.

June 11th, 2006 -- SEA vs. LAA
Mood: Radio on.
Record: 32-34
The M's sweep the Angels to win 9 of their last 11. Sniffing the break-even mark, they are still in the race and sports radio talking heads think they might trade for a bat at the deadline. I'm listening. Felix is starting to pitch well, and the division-leading A's are looming.

June 15th, 2006 -- SEA vs. OAK
Mood: *&@^#$&. Given up (5)
Record: 32-37
OOOOHHHH THE AAAAAA'S. I know this sounds really lame as a fan, but I gave up again after another sweep to Oakland. My fragile emotional state can't stand to buy in again only to stare at another Eric Chavez double down the line. I'm done.

July 1st, 2006 -- SEA vs. COL
Mood: WooHoo!
Record: 42-40
Seattle comes from behind to beat the Rockies 8-7 to cap off a nice 11-3 run. They are over .500 and are starting to look like a real threat. Beltre is hitting for the first time in Seattle. In other news, I'm a sucker.

July 8th, 2006 -- SEA vs. DET
Mood: Given up (6)
Record: 42-46
My favorite streaksters have lost 6 in a row including this 2-1 heartbreaker against the Tigers. I'm done. No really, I'm done.

August 2nd, 2006 -- SEA vs. BAL
Mood: Scoreboard watching
Record: 53-54
After losing a few coming out of the All-Star Break, the M's take series at home against TOR and BOS, then on the road against CLE and Baltimore to climb within a few of the A's. They have a better run differential than Oakland, and a chance to make up some ground with a three-game set against the division leaders coming up next. No idea why I was excited about this series at the time.

August 6th, 2006 -- SEA vs. OAK
Mood: Given Up (7)
Record: 53-56
Needing to take 2 out of 3 to get within striking distance, the Mariners get swept *again* by Zito and company. 11 in a row. So frustrating, especially considering Zito isn't any good any more and he still managed to win the opener despite giving up 7 hits and 3 walks. Just to rub it in, the M's will probably sign him to a $20 million per deal this winter. (Cut to Beane smoking a cigar and cackling with evil schadenfreude).

August 9th, 2006 -- SEA vs. TAM
Mood: Well, at least they did that...
Record: 56-57
On the postgame radio show after the previous series, some home broadcaster says "well, they're not out of it yet -- a sweep against Tampa and Texas does some damage against Oakland, and (trailing off)...". The Mariners sweep Tampa. I read the sports page, look at the standings, and think -- "if only they could take 2 of 3 against Texas, and sweep Oakland". Looking back, I realize I sound like an addict trying to convince everyone I don't have a problem.

August 15th, 2006 -- SEA vs. OAK
Mood: Resigned to defeat. Given up (8).
Record: 56-62+
Not paying attention much, I begin typing this post tonight (started during the *last* A's series above). For background noise, I switch the TV on to find the M's behind 2-0 to the A's. Within 10 minutes it is 9-0. I've been paying attention for the last week to notice the 5 game losing streak. 2 more against the A's makes it 13 in a row. As everyone is so fond of saying -- "If they had only won half of those"... Also noteworthy: I hate elephants and the color green.

How about next year.

* If you saw the Jimmy Fallon movie and think you have any idea what this book is about, think again. There is almost nothing in common with the book. Read it. Read it now.

Posted by Mike at 12:05 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

I love the World Cup. Don't know why exactly. I didn't play soccer in High School. Every league I've played in since then I have lost horribly (when that happens enough, eventually you have to boil it down to your pathetic skills in common). And I've never been particulary interested in club soccer -- even though I've tried to pick a team a few times (Arsenal, Real Madrid, Chelsea).

It's probably the wannabe-intellectual in me, trying to be globally aware or anglophilic in some way. Whatever the reason; my fervor lies dormat for 4 years, then is unleashed for a month of frantic fandom and learning. In fact, I'm studied enough now that I can now list a couple dozen or so players (and where they play club) where a month ago it was pretty much Beckham, Ronaldo, Ronaldinho, Van Nistelroy, Donavan, Beasley.

So why does this matter, to you, the reader? Well -- I have random thoughts, of course! And a digression. First: the digression.

As you may or may not be aware, my brother in law (Becky's bro Bill) lives in Germany. We were pretty excited about travelling over there for the cup before we got a little queasy about messing up the kid's oh-so-fragile sleep schedule. They've been over there for 2 years, and we haven't visited once. Lame.

ANYWAY -- Bill sends me a package a few months ago, with a note:

And these boxers, stuffed with a sock:

Nice. Not sure if he wanted to be outed on the internet for this tomfoolery (actually, I'm pretty sure that's what he had in mind). And I'm also not sure if I wanted to expose my tukus for the world to see (actually, I'm pretty sure I do -- I have a long history of exhibitionism).

Digression over. Stop. Back to the World Cup. Stop. End telegraph style.

Notes in no particular order:

1) When and why did we start calling the Ivory Coast "Cote d Ivoire"? Not since the great 2006 "Torino" debacle have I been this confused about a new geographic brand. Are we going to start calling Germany "Deutschland" next?

2) This guy Robben on the Netherlands is good. He could stand to pass once in a while, but I like him. Plus he looks a bit like former Hobbit Billy Boyd, who in turn looks like my friend Nels. I haven't decided whether Robben and Nels look alike yet.

3) While we're there, doesn't the Netherlands' coach remind you of Will Ferrell? I keep expecting him to start yelling I DRIVE A DODGE STRATUS! *

4) Donovan and Beasley sucked. So much talent wasted. By the time I got my Beasley jersey in the mail, he had switched numbers and been benched. Unfortunate.

5) Keller too. Whatever happened to Tim Howard?

6) I heart Argentina. Even though so many of them have that terrible Diego Maradona hairstyle, they are playing pretty stinking well. Check out this goal Can't wait for them to demolish Mexico this afternoon.

7) All the speculation is the US team is going to hire the German coach Jurgen Klinsmann after the cup because he "lives in L.A.". Does anyone else find that a bit of a reach, and amusing?

Enjoy the rest of the cup everyone, and if you have suggestions for good club teams to follow (I'm thinking Chelsea/Barcelona right now), send them my way.

* For those interested, I'm trying to make the "Dodge Stratus" skit the new "More Cowbell". Work with me here.

Posted by Mike at 11:07 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I love rooting for the underdog. We've been over this before. I'm a Seattle sports fan. That's what we do. Well, and complain about officiating...

But this is just out of hand. Name me one pathetic franchise in professional sports. Go ahead. Give it a shot. For example, check out the results some of the usual suspects had last year:

Cincinnati Bengals: Won their division, made the playoffs for the first time in forever.

Seattle Seahawks: Ended a 20 year playoff win drought. WENT TO THE SUPER BOWL.

Houston Astros: Ended their franchise string of no playoff wins. Went to the world series.

Chicago White Sox: Won their first World Series since 1918.

And of course, the Clippers. THE LOS ANGELES CLIPPERS JUST WON A PLAYOFF SERIES. And they are about 5 days away from laying the smack down on their big brothers, the Lakers. King Kaufman has written this up better than I ever could, but when the Clippers all of the sudden aren't losers, what can we count on anymore?

Couple this with the wierd George Mason run thru the NCAAs and it has been a heck of a year for the underdog. Things are starting to turn around for the little guy. I even dunked on an 8' hoop last weekend (I know it doesn't sound like much, but come on folks, I'm a 5'5" white guy).

You'll have to excuse me, I'm going to go put some money on the Washington Generals next matchup with the Globetrotters.

Posted by Mike at 08:20 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I know I've been writing about sports a lot lately, but what the heck. Since I'm still not ready to talk about the Super Bowl outcome, how about some Olympic fever?

- Does it strike anyone else as wierd that the English word for Torino was Turin for thousands of years, but NBC thought Torino sounded better so... It's Torino! Hey kids, let's go see the shroud of Torino!

- Here in the 206, we get CBC on cable, so we've been watching a lot more Canadian coverage of the games. Despite NBC's claims of 24.6 hours a day of coverage on their networks, the good stuff is broadcast all day long on CBC. Bonus: no more annoying American jingoism, instead we get the Canadian flavor!

- Speaking of, CBC broadcasts lots more of the 'real' sports -- Nordic Skiing, Speed Skating, and, well -- I guess that's all the 'real' Winter Olympic sports I can think of.

- Another good segue. Every night there is a new event that is less and less like a sport. I tolerated Moguls Skiing and Skeleton, but Ice Dancing is too much. Is there anything sporting about this? This event is the worst move by the IOC since the fated Summer Olympics Bridge experiment.

- Curling, however, is my true Olympic love. It turns out that the best curling club in North America is in Seattle. My dreams of Olympic glory are renewed! The path to Whistler 2010 starts for Mrs. Ikeepitreal and me with the Sunday evening mixed league next fall!

Posted by Mike at 03:14 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

The other day I gave you my laymen's perspective on how the offenses compare. Now for the defenses. Again, I will start with the coaching because I think it's pertinent:

Defensive Coaches: Pittsburgh

Dick LeBeau is a defensive wizard. He brought the 3-4 back, constantly runs creative zone blitzes, and confuses the hell out of offensive linemen. The only downside is that he's about 70 years old. Someone make this man a head coach already. LeBeau clearly gets the edge here over John Marshall, who did a great job filling in for Ray Rhodes this year, and always seems to make the right defensive call.

Defensive Line: Push

Despite my even ranking, this is a real contrast in styles. In the 3-4 defense used by Pittsburgh, the lineman are supposed to 'eat up' blocks, allowing LBs to get in and make tackles/pressure the QB. In a 4-3 like Seattle runs, the goal is to create that pressure with the linemen. The Hawks did that extremely well this year, leading the league in sacks. They rotate lots of smallish linemen thru, with the standouts being 'Admiral' Bryce Fisher and Rocky Bernard (Grant 'Adonis' Wistrom gets all the love, despite being almost completely washed up). In contrast, Pittsburgh uses just a handful of DLs, with several of them being Pro Bowl worthy. Former BSU Bronco Kimo von Olehoffen and nose tackle Casey Hampton are the best of the bunch. These are the guys who don't get a lot of stats, but constantly absorb 2 OL blocks.

Linebackers: Pittsburgh

This is the real strength of the Steelers, scheme wise and talent wise. The scheme helps them succeed, but the fact that they have 3 absolute stud LBs doesn't hurt. James Farrior, Larry Foote, and motor-mouth Joey Porter are all great NFL players, and I'd be hard pressed to find a better group in the NFL. If Seattle's OL is their best-in-the-NFL-type-strength, the LBs of Pittsburgh is that unit for the Steelers. Meanwhile, the Seahawks run out 2 great rookie linebackers, including my favorite Hawk Lofa Tatupu. They are good, but can't match up to the Steel Curtain here.

Cornerbacks: Seattle

This is a weakness for both teams. The Seahawks are finally healthy at CB, getting offseason signings Andre Dyson and Kelly Herndon back for the playoffs. They did a great job against Santana Moss and Steve Smith in the 2 playoff games, but will have their hands full with Hines Ward and co. #1 corner Marcus Trufant better come ready to play. On the other side, Ike Taylor and DeShea Townsend can be beaten deep, assuming you have the time to throw the ball. I give the edge to the Hawks in a lean.

Safties: Pittsburgh

What did you expect. This is all Troy Polamalu. Polamalu, Polamalu, Polamalu. Have you heard his name enough yet? No? Polamalu. This just in - he is good! And he hasn't cut his hair since college! And the officials took an INT away from him against Indy! Polamalu. The Seahawks have converted linebacker and underrated safety Michael Bolware and a couple of backups who have done well. But they can't match up to the genius that is Polamalu. I think he just rescued a baby trapped under a bus! Polamalu!

Special Teams: Push

Not much to say here. The Steelers are good in the return game, the Seahawks are good in the kicking game. Woo. Let's call it a push and move on, but if Josh Brown wins the game in the closing seconds, I will feel free to revisit this and write how much I love the Seahawks special teams.

That is all for the XL position breakdown. It splits out to this:

Offense -- 2-2-2
Defense/Special Teams -- 3-1-2 Steelers

Wow. I gave Pittsburgh the edge. Good thing the defenses don't match up against each other. I'll stand by my boys and predict a 33-24 win by the Seahawks today. Gooooo team!

Posted by Mike at 05:08 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Welcome to the Super Bowl eXtra Large offense and coaching breakdown. In which you will get entirely too much football breakdown by a guy who's only year of football he has ever played was as a 6th grader against 4th graders (it was a age and weight formula and I weighed 60 pounds). Disturbingly, Sam's car seat goes up to 60 pounds. Anyhoo -- on to the matchups.

Coaches: Push

We all know Bill Cowher leads the league in "times spitting on passerby" and "close talking in a homoerotic way", but he is 2nd in a very important category -- "disgusting huge mustache". Nobody will ever top Mike Holmgren in this category. Beside that, I'll give Holmgren the edge in preparation for the game (especially getting the team ready), and Cowher the edge in game management.

Quarterbacks: Push

I really want to give Matt Hasselbeck (yes, he earned the promotion from Hasselhoff) the love here, but I can't. Both of these guys are too equal. Big Ben has the stronger arm, and Matt has more touch. Ben makes better scrambling decisons, Matt makes better audibles. Ben has the ridiculous beard, Matt has the shiny bald head. You see what I mean?

Running Backs: Seattle

If this were just a tailback comparison, it might be a push. Bettis and Parker are that good of a duo. But if we talk about the whole backfield? Seattle has the league all-pro TB (and MVP) and the all-pro fullback (Mack Strong). I don't see how a rational analysis could give this to the Steelers.

Wide Receivers: Pittsburgh

Now this is saying something. I think Hines Ward himself makes up for the advantage Seattle has in their depth. Ward is great. He is better than Jackson. Randle El/Engram is probably a Pittsburgh lean, and 'Jed' Jurevicious is better than Cedric Wilson Phillips Screwdriver. Going with the Stillers in a lean here.

Tight End: Pittsburgh

Heath Miller is a stud. Listen -- Jerramy Stevens has had a great year, but Miller is a freak. I do like Stevens' Osama bin Laden beard though. Great decision for someone who has been in jail twice. Go with the terrorist goatee.

Offensive Line: Seattle

Another matchup of great players (they all seem like this so far). Both teams got amazing OL play this year, but Seattle's is clearly the best in the league. I heard Len Pasquarelli on the radio saying that Walter Jones and Steve Hutchinson might be the best Tackle/Guard pair to ever play in the NFL. Guard Alan Faneca of the Steelers is also an All-Pro with Jones and Hutchinson, but I just don't know how you top the greatest left side ever. If it's any consolation Pittsburgh -- you guys are good too. Really... please don't sit on me you crazy Brobdignagians.

Next time: the defenses.

Posted by Mike at 07:10 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

It's time for me to come out of hiding and weigh in on the improbable. The Seahawks -- yes, the Seattle Seahawks are going to the Super Bowl.

We've had friends over to watch just about every game this year (that's a lot of chili and root beer) and I have to say... it has been quite a ride. As a long time Seattle sports fan, I am not quite sure how to feel. Watching the team go on an 11 game winning streak -- really closer to 13 --, not being terribly concerned about the recent playoff matchups, and having a good feeling about your team's chances to win every single game are not known emotions to me.

Let me see if I can set this up better. If you read this blog, you probably know that I may be cynical, but I'm an optimist. Every time I attempt to rationally preview a Seattle team, I hope for the best. I put in writing what I think is going to happen -- great things! I believe that. Only I really don't. I know deep down that a Seattle team may overachieve, it may underachieve, but even if it sucks me in (and it will), IT WILL EVENTUALLY LET ME DOWN. History has shown me that, but I will not be defeated by it. Today is my day to shine, and I will not let the other local naysayers (my father-in-law and brother-in-law mostly) bring me down to their pessimistic level.

So, on to the game. Much has been (and will be) written about the differing roads these two teams took to the Super Bowl. I don't think this point has been made yet though:

- The Steelers played in "the dominant AFC" and had to beat the #3, #1, and #2 seeds (on the road) to get to the big game, where they will face another #1 seed. No team has ever had a harder road, numerologically.

- The Seahawks played in "the weak NFC" and had to beat the #6 and #5 seeds (at home) to get to Detroit, where they will face a #6 seed. No team has ever had an easier road, numerologically.

What does that tell us? For one thing, Pittsburgh is not a normal #6 seed. The AFC was really deep this year, and the Stillers have shown they can play with anyone. For another, it tells us that Seattle *may not* be a dominant team that is capable of playing with the best of the best. I say *may not* because although many are willing to write off the Hawks because of a weak schedule, this doesn't prove they are not capable. It just proves that we don't quite know. They passed all the tests. It's like giving a high school student a 3rd grade reading test, then when she nails it, saying "her reading level is 3rd grade". No. Her reading level is at least 3rd grade. Let's see how she does with a better test. Maybe that's not a perfect analogy, because I believe the Redskins and Panthers were the 2nd and 3rd best teams in the NFC at the end of the year, but you know what I mean.

Another thing the numbers above tell us is it is quite possible the Seahawks will win the Super Bowl and become the only SB winning team to still play the "no respect" card. Mark my words -- if Seattle wins this game, something will eventually be written about how easy the road was for them and how everything broke just right. This will drive the Seattle sports fan base (and our inferiority complex) completely batty.

Who's going to win? Well... of course I believe the Hawks are going to win. I'll tell you why in boring excrutiating detail over the next week or so. In reality the Vegas line (Steelers by 3 1/2) is probably about right... those guys are rarely wrong, and public perception isn't that skewed in favor of the Steelers to push the line far. If the Seahawks are going to win, they'll have to do it against a 'better' team. Vegas just isn't wrong often.

Oh, and P.S. -- Come Feburary 5th the field of Ford will run crimson with the blood of the steel workers from the Iron City. Our feisty blue jackals will bludgeon them with teriffic WR stiff-arms and sit on their bearded quarterback with a ferocity unseen since the days of... well, since sitting on bearded men in a fierce way was more commonplace. The Foster bobblehead collection of power will nod their heads in agreement as we toast the the Seattle Seahawks and proclaim them the greatest team in the land! (Oh dear, I hope it's not Terry Bradshaw in the trophy ceremony again).

Posted by Mike at 05:13 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

File this under -- "Seattle sports fan complains about the 'East Coast Bias' and getting no respect".

On Sunday, the Seahawks had one of the most fortuitous wins in NFL history. The kind that makes you think that they are a team of destiny, or at least have a horseshoe wedged pretty far up somewhere. They certainly got their fair share of luck in the game. (For those who don't follow these things, the Giants' kicker missed 3 game-winning field goals before the Seahawks woke up and won it). But that story has been written everywhere in the past couple of days. I'm here to tell you why the Seahawks actually won that game.

1) The refs screwed up. This essentialy means that the Giants have yet to get in the end zone at Qwest field. I know, the one at the end of the game was on 1st down, they probably would have scored anyway. But the Shockey touchdown was on 3rd and 7. Swap that for 3 pts and we're never even talking about OT or 3 FG misses at the end.

2) All right, I'll play the card. The Hawks are getting no respect. Coverage around the league is pretty slanted. All the coverage of the Bears game is about how their defense stepped up to beat Tampa Bay. Yet Tampa's kicker missed a chip shot FG near the end of the game that would have tied it. You're telling me that's not luck? The Hawks defense held the #1 offense in the NFC to 21 pts (and should have been less, as written above). Also, they came up big at the end. At least give the Hawks a shred of credit for making the plays to win the game.

3) Let's talk about those plays. On the game winning drive, after a long pass to D.J. Hackett, Alexander busts out for 8 and 13 yards. Result? A 36 yard attempt. The difference between that and the way the Seahawks held the Giants to 40, 54(!), and 45 yard attempts is the difference in the game. When the Giants had a chance to make their kicks shorter, they went backwards. And their kicker obviously had range problems. What are you thinking making him attempt a 54 yarder?

Yes, the Seahawks were lucky. But they were also good. As you see or hear the media discount this win and drop them down in power rankings (which I know, don't mean anything, but still make my blood boil), remember the plays they did make. It wasn't just that the Giants self-destructed. There was a team on the other side of the ball. And that team is now 9-2.

Update: Apparently the NFL didn't talk to Holmgren about those two TDs, but he is in trouble for divulging a private conversation with the officials. Yeah, that totally makes sense.

I leave you with this picture.

Posted by Mike at 10:39 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

The Packers are playing on Monday Night Football, and that means only one thing. The Madden/Farve love-fest drinking game! Grab your warm milk (or something stiffer) and play along.

The rules are simple -- whenever John Madden says anything overly complimentary about Brett Farve, drink up. The man-crush Madden has for Farve is completely over the top. Last time the Packers played on MNF, they lost to fall to 0-4 and Madden STILL PUT HIM ON THE HORSE TRAILER! So get ready for a long night. Here are some actual examples.(1)

Madden -- "Bam. Farve with just a perfect pass! Even the Greek God Javelon himself (who invented the Javelin toss) couldn't have thrown it better."

Al Michaels (confused) -- "Um, I'm not sure about that... But that pass was ok, I guess, for one thrown while he was *past* the line of scrimmage."

(Now is when you drink)

Madden -- "Amazing scramble there by Farve. Boy he looks great in those pants tonight. Bam!"

Michaels -- "Yep, yellow is very slimming."

(drink)

And so on. Be sure to take an advil and drink lots of water before you hit the pillow. Fun for the whole family.(2)

(1) And by actual, I mean completely made up.

(2) And by whole family, I mean nobody, really. I mean really folks, drinking on Monday night?!?

Posted by Mike at 07:46 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

This article reminds me of my poor decisionmaking as a yute.

Nope, I didn't have a substance abuse problem -- I was a big Dwight Gooden baseball card collector.

My best friend and I in Junior High each tried to collect every single baseball card of each of our favorite players. We succeeded for a while with our respective three favorite guys.

My favorite players: Dwight Gooden, Will Clark, Ruben Sierra

His favorites: Roger Clemens, Barry Bonds, Mark McGwire

Something tells me his collection is worth more than mine now :)

Posted by Mike at 09:41 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

For once this season, I have a glimmer of hope for the future of the Mariners. Felix Hernandez -- the #1 prospect in MLB -- started at home for the M's tonight. His line:

IP H R ER BB K HR Season ERA
8.0 5 0 0 0 6 0 0.69

The King is just 19 and (barring injury) should be a fixture here thru his arbitration years. If you live anywhere near Seattle, come out to see this guy pitch. Just filthy.

Posted by Mike at 09:31 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

This story claims that A-Rod (also known in these parts as A-Wad, Gay-Rod , and Pay-Rod) Keeps it Real!

Um, no.

Call me biased -- I'm not sure of any circumstance where I would agree that A-Rod keeps it real, but this column is pretty ludicrous.

How exactly does A-Rod playing for the Dominican in the World Cup of Baseball keep it real? He was born in NYC, spent the ages of 4 to 8 in the Domincan, then moved to Miami. He's not a citizen of the DR. He should play for the U.S.

Wait... I take it back -- If Rodriguez was cast as the Christian Bale character in American Psycho, *that* would keep it real. That is pretty close to home.

Actually, you know what this whole thing reminds me of? This guy I know who was born in Washington State, spent the ages of 3 to 7 and 14 to 18 in Idaho -- and claims to be from the Gem State. How embarrasing for him.

Posted by Mike at 10:29 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

One of my biggest pet peeves is when writers (mostly sportswriters) selectively use stats to prove their point. Listen up -- I know you guys have deadlines, but next time just trot out the latest story on some "character guy" in the clubhouse or something. Don't pretend to be a sabermetician.

Peter Gammons' ESPN.com column used to be a pretty good read. That was before he turned into a complete Red Sox shill and got lazy with anything involving the rest of the league. I think he is struggling to find an identity between the boring beat writers and the geeky stats guys. His latest article is a good example of that. From the article:

While the leadoff hitter is the leadoff hitter only once a game, the leadoff position is vitally important.

Nice debating technique. Concede your argument's most obvious logical weakness.

Fair enough though. Interesting hypothesis, Gammons -- now convince me.

Going into Saturday, the top three run-scoring teams were Boston, Texas and Baltimore, who had, respectively, .400, .350 (.427 with David Dellucci in the one hole) and .439 on-base percentages in the leadoff spot.

Ok, so you are telling me that 2 of the top 3 teams essentially, have good OBP in the leadoff spot. This stuff about Texas/Dellucci is just garbage. A .350 OBP would be good for 73rd in MLB. I have a hard time believing that a .350 OBP in the leadoff spot is much better than about league average.

Coincidentally, those 3 teams play in the 3 most hitter-friendly parks in the league. I'm just saying.

And this is what really gets me:

Milwaukee, Arizona, Seattle and the White Sox have been offensive surprises, partly thanks to, again respectively, Brady Clark (.403), Craig Counsell (.429), Ichiro Suzuki and Tadahito Iguchi (.380) getting on base at the top of the order.

Um -- Yeah. Let me use runs scored and OPS as a measure of offense:

Milwakee had jumped up about 10 spots since last year in each of those. I'll buy it. I can understand *maybe* calling Arizona a suprise as they were worst offense in the league last year. But Chicago has dropped 10+ spots in both of those ranks since last year. And the Mariners? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? You are calling the 2005 M's offense a (positive) suprise? They are one of the 5 worst teams in the league and they signed 2 big sluggers to $$$ contracts in the offseason. I just don't see how this argument holds any water.

Bottom line -- OBP is important throughout the order. But that doesn't make for a sexy story. That doesn't get you 6 paragraphs about Red Sox Johnny Damon and Wade Boggs.

Gammons -- I understand you may have found a good angle on Brandon Inge and probably just wanted to propose marriage (again) to Johnny Damon. But please, don't twist the stats to make your case. You just come off as a lazy writer.

Posted by Mike at 02:46 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Since I like running diaries of sports games so much, I thought I'd try it. I'll probably only do it for a bit until I have to change a diaper or something.

7:46 -- M's game just finished. Perfect timing. Let's get it on.

7:47 -- Mike Bibby is the whitest (half?) black guy I've ever seen. Not since the Mariah Carey fiasco of '95 have I been this confused about someone's roots.

7:51 -- We've already seen more good shots than game 1. That was just an ugly, ugly game.

7:53 -- Jerome James with more post moves. This is the same guy I once saw in a Hollywood Video picking up (apparently) his date when she got off work. I know these two statements have nothing to do with each other, but I wanted to tell my JJ story.

8:01 -- Ridnour stripps it from Ostertag in the paint. Just unacceptable if you are a Kings fan. This is like me stealing the ball from Andre the Giant (on second thought, maybe that's not out of the question. I am very sneaky...)

8:07 -- Back-to-back threes from Rashard and Vlade! The shooters are back.

8:12 -- 26-22 Sonics after 1 quarter. Expecting the worst as a Seattle sports fan, I couldn't be happier with a 4 point lead.

... Well, as it turned out it was a diaper. (and hours of crying/eating/bouncing/etc.)

9:50 -- Last update cuz the game is out of hand. Great game by the Supes. Up by 21 thanks to great performances by JJ, Collison, Radmonivic. Again I am getting pulled in with tentative hope for a Seattle sports team.

Posted by Mike at 07:44 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Ed. note: If you aren't a baseball fan, move along -- there's nothing to see here. If you read this you *will* think I'm even more of a geek than you already do.

Wow -- that crept up on me. Yankees-Sox on ESPN tonight, and just like that, the season is here. Over the weekend, the M's played the Cubs in Vegas. Excuse me -- Vegas, the Mariners, and the Final Four? Looks like I picked the wrong year to have a baby (and the wrong week to stop sniffing glue, but that's another story). Seriously though, that's all? Are you sure there wasn't a Cake and Miles Davis jam they could have thrown together down there?

What follows is a bunch of random notes about the forthcoming baseball season. These are probably more wishcasting than viable predictions.

Mariners

Jeremy Reed -- Pretty soft landing for a rookie. Hey kid, here's the starting CF job, and why don't you bat between Ichiro! and Beltre. Ichiro! is on base 40% of the time in front of him, and Beltre is mashing at a .629 SLG clip behind him. Not bad. I'll pencil him in for 305/365/420

Gil Meche -- The biggest question mark on this team could win 20 games or lose 20. Nothing I could write here would top this post. I think he's most likely to be the guy who drops off this staff, giving King Felix a chance. Which brings us to...

Felix Hernandez -- 50% Fernando Valenzuela, 50% Dwight Gooden, 0% Mariners farmhand (at least I hope). Everyone in Mariners nation is praying that the disease feasting on Mariner prospects' rotator cuffs skips him over. For my money, in spring training he looked pretty inconsistent and not quite ready (he is 18 after all). Still, he'll be the #1 on this team by next year. If he makes it up in '05, he will be the most exciting thing about the season.

Sexon/Beltre -- I'm going to go against the grain and say I like both of these signings. Richie's contract is pissing off the M's blogosphere, but I think it's a risk worth taking. I know the numbers don't back me up, so please just laugh and slowly step away from my half-full glass. Beltre -- obviously a *great* move. 26 year old home run champ for below market value? Nice.

Ichiro! -- He's Ichiro. We know what we'll get. I love this guy. Here's hoping that he chases Ted Williams (.400) or Joe Dimaggio (56) this year. That would liven things up at The Safe.

The Team -- I'll go 87 wins and a mediocre division championship. The Angels infield sucks, the A's pitchers are too young and the Rangers pitchers are even worse. It'll take a few pitchers stepping up for the M's but I'll go out on the limb and say they will. Why? Blind optimism.

AL

I've got the Red Sox, Indians and M's as the division winners, with the Yankees as the wild card. Just like everyone else, I'll say that it'll be Sox/Yankees and the Sox repeating. The Red Sox look even better on paper than last year.

NL

I could (or is it couldn't?) care less. The NL sucks. Every park is a bandbox, pitchers stats are inflated because of no DH, and I just don't see a team that is fun to root for. The Cubbies are ok I guess -- but Sosa and Garciaparra win my "Most Overexposed and Annoying Teammates Award (Non-Yankees division)". If I see Nomar tell Mia Hamm "you're beautiful" on that Nike commercial one more time, I might drink some Clorox just as a distraction.

Correction: Oh yeah, Sosa plays for the Orioles now. Ouch. I have been out of the loop for a while.

Posted by Mike at 09:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Story time...

A nothing NCAA program from a hometown of mine has a dream season and lights a fire under their community. I jump on the bandwagon, follow them religiously, and watch them ascend into the top 10 out of nowhere.

The team is consistently disrespected by the media, but their computer ranking helps get them a postseason game tailor-made to prove their worth.

The big game: the also underestimated Louisville Cardinals, and though my boys aren't favored, even the talking heads agree that it is a great matchup. A win will provide the much-needed credibility.

Followed, of course, by the crushing loss to that Louisville team.

I'm crying about the UW basketball game last night, right? Well, that's part of it. But it hit me this morning. Why do I hate Louisville so much? Why does that particular shade of red make my eyes burn? Why does the sight of that stupid "tough" mascot make me wander to the cupboard, looking for toothpicks to stick under my toenails? Why do I feel like I've been here before? Well... I have.

RIP Dawgs -- I'll file you under "What If?" next to the '04 Boise State Broncos. And thanks for the pain Louisville. I hate your city. I now vow to never pronounce your name correctly again.

Posted by Mike at 05:07 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Update: 8:32 PM: Unbelievable, the Huskies got a #1 seed, and are going to Boise. A possible Elite 8 matchup with Gonzaga. Just a dream scenario.

As you might have guessed, I have spent a lot of time around the house lately. Coincidentally, the UW BB team has been playing well in the Pac-10 tournament so that means lots of blurry-eyed basketball gazing for me. Some random thoughts below.

The game last night -- It was good to see the Dawgs not settling for the outside shot, and getting back to the hustle-defense and dribble-penetration that sent them on that run at the end of last year. It feels like they were cruising thru the regular season for a while, and they just started to step it up again this weekend. To beat a team like Arizona even though Salim Stoudamire went off for 37 shows something. Stoudamire was playing out of his gourd last night. Frustrating, but fun to watch.

At the beginning of the year, Brandon Roy and Nate Robinson were considered the standouts on this team. With Roy's injury and Robinson's seeming indifference at times, it has let the other guys on the team step up. Namely Tre Simmons and Will Conroy. I think the resulting depth will make a big difference over the next couple of weeks. Even though Robinson seemed to take over at the end of the game last night, Simmons and Conroy were huge. What amazes me is that they still have a guy like Roy (probably a late 1st rounder in the draft) coming off the bench.

The tournament seed -- for my money, they better be a #2 seed when it's announced today. Hopefully in the homeland of Boise. There was talk of Arizona muscling their way into the last #1 with a win yesterday, and UW proved to be the better team. Look at the schedules/results of the two teams. There is not much difference other than UW taking 2 out of 3 from 'Zona. If those old white guys with laptops don't at least give them the last #2, I might just... well, probably take a nap or something.

Another note -- UW has not lost at home or on a neutral court this year (21-0). Maybe they'll run that to 27-0 in St. Louis in a few weeks.

Posted by Mike at 12:15 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

The Seattle sports scene is aflutter with trade rumors today, and it's fuuuuuun.

Sonics

I promised myself I wouldn't care about the Supes this year because I thought at the *very* best they'd sneak into the playoffs and be out after one round. With some big wins the last couple of weeks they have really established themselves as championship contenders, so of course -- I'm back on the bandwagon.

The news today is that the Radmonivic for Tyson Chandler rumors are back. I think this would kill their chances for this season. Vlade is among the league leaders in +/- per minute. As much as it would make the team stronger for the future, you have to roll the dice with the present once in a while.

Rick Sund: Keep Vlade!

Seahawks

The big news this week is that the Seahawks have pulled off a major coup by signing Walter Jones and Matt Hasselbeck right before the deadline to franchise a player.

Good news: they get to use the tag on Shawn Alexander.

Bad news: another year of Alexander doing commercials for his church.

I haven't read any rumors, but the Hawks *have* to get rid of Alexander and try to get value for him. I know it's been said before, but the west coast offense doesn't work without a back willing to block.

New Prez/GM Tim Ruskell should get the Cardinals and Dolphins on the line and pick up some linebackers, stat.

Mariners

Is Mike Cameron headed back to Seattle? Mrs. Ikeepitreal sure wouldn't complain. The M's and Mets don't seem to be a good fit, so maybe a 3 way trade is possible (SF?).

If I were Bavasi: Winn/Ibanez paired with Speizio for Cameron gets it done. Sounds like a pipe dream to me though.

Posted by Mike at 08:20 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)